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[whenyouneedme]

OH GOD THIS WILL BE AN INBOX

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Late August, after blanket forts

[deathreset]

[I told you to be careful of]

Sorry I snapped at y

You shouldn't]

I didn't realize you knew Kaneki

[whenyouneedme]

[Saying he was surprised to see that handwriting was an understatement.]

Yeah. Small bath house, eh.

[deathreset]

Did he seek you out or did you just

run into him or something...

HA HA after guilty bulletin posts

[deathreset]

I need to talk to you

Yes give them to me

[whenyouneedme]

I figured.

huffs

[deathreset]

[Great... so this was his handwriting.]

Can I come to your room?

post Oct 22 event

[deathreset]

[The attempts at soup had gotten better. Eiji would admit, his first go at it was basically hot flavoured water. But after a couple more tries, he ended up getting a decent broth out of his pork bones, even added a vegetable or two. He even managed to get a medicinal root that some patron had gifted him with - something about being indebted to him for saving them? He definitely did not remember ever doing this.

And as with all the soups, he brought it back to his dorm and placed a bowl at the head of Emi's futon. If the sound of Eiji entering the room didn't stir the blond, then him sitting at the edge of his mattress would. Either way, the demi-human made no sound - casting a careful eye over his friend's condition in silence.]

[whenyouneedme]

[His friend had dozed off again, which was the most common occurrence that week. He alternated between light naps and deep slumbers, his body seemingly intent on catching up on a month's worth of rest. But even if the amount of sleep may have been worrying, at least they could say his color had gotten better. Still a bit on the sick side of pale, but no where near the deathly pale he'd been just a few days prior. The ugliest of his bruises would linger for a few days more, and the bandages carefully wrapped around his abrasions could likely come off within the day.

He still looked several shades of rough, but he was undeniably on the mend.

Emi only stirred when the futon shifted, sleepily turning his head towards the demi-human. When he registered that it was Eiji (it was always Eiji), his sleep-rough voice murmured a quiet:]

Eiji.

[deathreset]

[Eiji's gaze pulled away immediately when he felt Emi turn towards him. The bruising around his throat had turned an ugly, mottled purple hue - they were getting better, but the sight of them still made the demi-human feel slightly sick inside.

Remember, anything that happened to him at Koriko was Eiji's fault. Emi stayed for him, he was the only reason the blond was even in a position to get hurt so badly. He caused the loneliness that made Emi so attractive to the tsubaki spirit. His attachment to Emi made him a target for his shadow.

He was the reason Emi went to prison. He was the reason Emi's bike got crashed into a ravine. He was the reason Emi got wailed on by thugs with a baseball bat.

All of it added up to what felt like an undeniable truth. No amount of rationalizing could make it go away.

Eiji drew his knees towards his chest and folded his arms across them, kneading his fingers in restless anxiety. Voice dull, he stared at the floor and muttered the obvious:]

There's soup.

OCT 25TH

[freeplay]

hey emi is everything ok
it's noya

[whenyouneedme]

[The reply took a long time, and it was kind of obvious in Emi's usually bold handwriting that there was a lot of starts and stops.]

hey





ever y t hing's gettin g better

[freeplay]

were you sleeping

after the event whenever you wanna fit it in!

[daikonrose]

[ Chou had tapped on the door to room 12 and poked her head in to check on Emi as often as she dared; not quite every day, but as frequently as she thought she could get away with, without making too much of a nuisance of herself. But she had never stepped in. Emi had always been asleep when she stopped by, and she didn't want to disturb his rest or his roommates.

But she was getting antsy. There had to be a way she could make sure to catch him awake, right?

Which was why Emi would find a note when he next happened to wake up in the middle of the day. ]

What do you like to eat with okayu?

[whenyouneedme]

[Emi... Emi did not know who wrote this, and was too surprised to see a note and too sleepy brained to ask when he scrawled an answer back.]

uh whatever's around i guess

sometime mid/late decemberish

[deathreset]

[It was probably hard to hear the accusatory tone in text but. It was there.]

You've been taking extra shifts at your job

[whenyouneedme]

[Honestly it was easier than one might expect when it was eiji being the one doing the writing. But this was also Emi doing the reading, so one might hear the eyebrow raise in his response.]

Yeah??

[Sure he didn't say anything about it but. This was not? A secret??]

[freeplay]

thanks for always being there for me, man. you're really a man and the friend any man can count on. merry christmas!!!!! you deserve a big one!!!!!
—nishinoya

[ and in this boxed package is a pack of emoji earrings, a shirt, and the best of all . . .

a taco mania man crate. ]

[whenyouneedme]

[NO Emi didn't know what to do with a gift. He wasn't expecting a gift! He didn't get any gifts!! Gifts weren't a thing!!! ... But here was a gift. It felt weird to get a bit emotional about a box of tacos, but here they were.

Noya didn't get a written reply, but next time Emi saw him he got a firm pat on the back and a mumbled, kind of embarassed 'thank you.'

But a few days after that, nestled in with Noya's work things, he'd find a little wooden figure of a bird. A crow, maybe, since it was stained so dark.

I'm bad at christmas, but I hope you had a good one too. --Emi]

4/18 I think? all of my april plotting has *vague gestures* for dates

[daikonrose]

Emi, are you free after work today? When does your shift end?
--Chou

[ While it would actually be helpful to have those questions answered, the note truly serves as a test. How willing is Emi to deal with her? She wants to know. ]

mine are also very *gestures* WE CAN ADJUST LATER

[whenyouneedme]

[It might have taken longer for a response to reach Chou's hands than she would have liked. Emi had stared at it for a long time, unable to puzzle out what Chou could have needed from him. Well, there was only one way to find out really.]

Yeah.

[And then there was a time scribbled down for that evening.]

after april campins

[deathreset]

One thing was for certain: the entire ordeal made Eiji very, very glad he didn't go the 'live in hiding out in the forests' route of evading capture. Even if muscle fatigue and starvation were mitigated by resetting, there was this fatigue that somehow lingered, wedged between sore joints and twisted into muscle knots. It reaffirmed the necessity of being able to live in a civilized place.

It also reaffirmed the need for Emi's presence in his life. Of course, Eiji knew the blond wouldn't rest until he was safe, but knowing didn't compare with the rush of euphoric relief when they finally met in the woods. For the first time, collapsing into Emi's arms and being held - even in front of an audience - was the most comforting thing in the world.

He'd... missed Emi. No matter how much he pushed it from his mind now, that had been a very real feeling that haunted him through the cold nights. What it meant - and especially where it left him - Eiji had no idea.

But from the look on the blond's face, whatever the demi-human felt was nowhere near what Emi's emotions went through.

Even now he was still waiting - albeit only for Eiji to finish in the bathroom, but even that was probably its own kind of excruciating. After all, the first damn thing he did upon getting back to his room was announce that he was taking a shower - he barely said anything else before closing the door behind him. Maybe he'd been in here long enough, then - but at least he was feeling alive again.

Eiji toweled down his hair before wrapping it around his waist (in his haste, he hadn't even bothered to bring a change of clothes,) before finally emerging. Steam wafted around him and the cool air kissed his still-warm skin, so smooth and unbroken that it would've been impossible to tell that he'd just been eking it out in the wild.

A relieved sigh spilled from his lips as he walked out. "That's better."

[whenyouneedme]

Knowing Eiji was so close and yet so far out of his grasp was a special kind of excruciating for Emi. Once he'd finally had the ajin in his arms, he'd hadn't wanted to let him go. Yet there he was, arms filled only with the thrumming anxiety of being discontent. Not that he could begrudge the warm shower that Eiji definitely deserved.

He'd just been so consumed with worry for so long, absolutely terrified that he'd already been too late or he had been heading in the wrong direction the whole time. Who knew what else could have found Eiji. All he wanted to do now was bask in the rush of relief knowing that Eiji was alright, feel that very real weight against his chest as Eiji rested safe and warm in his arms. Everything was fine.

But while his arms were ajin-less, the least he could do was cozy up their part of the room. The nervous energy lent itself to prepping both their futons (that Truffles promptly claimed) and getting Eiji a change of comfortable clothes. Those rested on the the corner of the futon-- just a large t-shirt and some boxers. Emi couldn't imagine Eiji was going to be going anywhere.

All he could do after that was wait.

When the door opened, Emi locked his eyes on the other boy. Under better circumstances it would have been a treat to trail his eyes over rosy pale skin, but now it was simply to verify that he was fine. Of course he was fine.

"Feelin' more like you?"

sometime in mid june

[deathreset]

[Apropos of nothing: a note, delivered after Eiji's shift at the butcher's, but before Emi was done bartending for the evening.]

Emi,

Are you aware of the fact that pretty much everyone we know thinks we're a couple

[whenyouneedme]

[He was taking a break and sipping some water and nearly spit it all over himself.]

What

august 20something

[whenyouneedme]

It had stung a bit when they discovered that Ethan was gone again. An uncomfortable ache had been left in Emi’s chest that he couldn’t wholly identify. Loss, certainly, but more than he had anticipated. They’d gotten used to him being there and filling the room with sound. He might not have said anything, but Emi knew the other ajin felt something similar. The quiet was different. But when Emi would slip his arms around him, Eiji would still tuck up against him and that was all he needed. They’d be alright.

It just meant that in his absence, Emi would have to take extra care at the farm. No one else tended to the horses the same way Ethan had. What did it matter if they were safe from storms if no one was sharing the same amount of care Ethan had? So Emi would stay a bit later in his farm shifts, like he was today, making his way through the horse fields to check on them.

Much to his delight, Crash trotted over to him right away when he noticed the blond. He must have been doing something right then, he thought. The horse bumped heads with him and Emi laughed, reaching up to stroke the beast’s neck. Maybe one of these days he could convince Kei to come out and see them.

The laughter died in his throat and his world went silent.

The name bled through his memories, filling each nook and crevice of his thoughts until it was a mystery how he had ever forgotten such a thing. There was all the sharpness he had struggled to remember, the edge that had felt like home on his tongue. He’d always liked it, Kei. Liked how it sounded, liked how similar it made them when Kei would call him--

Call him…?

His breath rattled in his chest, realizing it was just one of two. There was a nudge at his cheek, and Emi stared at the horse in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he blurted, taking a step back.

Then another.

Then he was running, as hard and as fast as his legs would carry him.

It didn’t make any sense. He could only think of one reason why, and it didn’t make sense. This wasn’t the plan. He’d just been with him hours ago, pressing a chaste kiss to the demi-human’s temple as he grumbled at him from their futon. Have a good day was his quiet farewell as Emi reached the door, and Emi had laughed. I’ll see you later.

They were supposed to stay here. They were going to figure this out together. Pay off their debts. Start over here. If it didn’t work out they’d go somewhere else, both of them. Wherever Kei went, Emi would follow, so it didn’t… it didn’t make any fucking sense.

It didn’t register when he’d made it to his door. His lungs were on fire, chest heaving with each labored breath he took. Whatever thoughts he had were suddenly a jumble of white noise and the single high pitch of sound that cut through it all as he stared wildly at the nameplate on the frame. He dimly registered the anxious meow that came from the door at the back of his mind. Truffles was on her own and--

‘Eiji’ had always sat nicely above Emi’s name. He’d liked it, that their names had still sounded so similar. It had always made him smile a bit to think about it.

‘Emi’ sat alone, the only smile in sight.

When he opened the door, the pretty scottish fold was immediately winding through his legs, trying to vy for his attention before anything else in the room could. The radio he had fixed was still softly playing. Their things were still there. The sun was shining brightly through the window, mocking him with how happy everything seemed, as if Kei had just gone out for a walk. As if things were just on pause. As if his hands weren’t trembling as he sank against their futon, heart breaking in his chest.

Something like this was always going to happen, he knew that. It’d been something he’d been bracing for. He’d thought he’d be ready when it all came falling down. He hadn’t thought it’d fall down like this. Even if he had no one else, he was supposed to still have Kei.

Summer again his thoughts echoed as Truffles butted up against his chest. Emi laughed to himself before his throat felt thick, and he buried his sobs against her fur.