It had stung a bit when they discovered that Ethan was gone again. An uncomfortable ache had been left in Emi’s chest that he couldn’t wholly identify. Loss, certainly, but more than he had anticipated. They’d gotten used to him being there and filling the room with sound. He might not have said anything, but Emi knew the other ajin felt something similar. The quiet was different. But when Emi would slip his arms around him, Eiji would still tuck up against him and that was all he needed. They’d be alright.
It just meant that in his absence, Emi would have to take extra care at the farm. No one else tended to the horses the same way Ethan had. What did it matter if they were safe from storms if no one was sharing the same amount of care Ethan had? So Emi would stay a bit later in his farm shifts, like he was today, making his way through the horse fields to check on them.
Much to his delight, Crash trotted over to him right away when he noticed the blond. He must have been doing something right then, he thought. The horse bumped heads with him and Emi laughed, reaching up to stroke the beast’s neck. Maybe one of these days he could convince Kei to come out and see them.
The laughter died in his throat and his world went silent.
The name bled through his memories, filling each nook and crevice of his thoughts until it was a mystery how he had ever forgotten such a thing. There was all the sharpness he had struggled to remember, the edge that had felt like home on his tongue. He’d always liked it, Kei. Liked how it sounded, liked how similar it made them when Kei would call him--
Call him…?
His breath rattled in his chest, realizing it was just one of two. There was a nudge at his cheek, and Emi stared at the horse in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he blurted, taking a step back.
Then another.
Then he was running, as hard and as fast as his legs would carry him.
It didn’t make any sense. He could only think of one reason why, and it didn’t make sense. This wasn’t the plan. He’d just been with him hours ago, pressing a chaste kiss to the demi-human’s temple as he grumbled at him from their futon. Have a good day was his quiet farewell as Emi reached the door, and Emi had laughed. I’ll see you later.
They were supposed to stay here. They were going to figure this out together. Pay off their debts. Start over here. If it didn’t work out they’d go somewhere else, both of them. Wherever Kei went, Emi would follow, so it didn’t… it didn’t make any fucking sense.
It didn’t register when he’d made it to his door. His lungs were on fire, chest heaving with each labored breath he took. Whatever thoughts he had were suddenly a jumble of white noise and the single high pitch of sound that cut through it all as he stared wildly at the nameplate on the frame. He dimly registered the anxious meow that came from the door at the back of his mind. Truffles was on her own and--
‘Eiji’ had always sat nicely above Emi’s name. He’d liked it, that their names had still sounded so similar. It had always made him smile a bit to think about it.
‘Emi’ sat alone, the only smile in sight.
When he opened the door, the pretty scottish fold was immediately winding through his legs, trying to vy for his attention before anything else in the room could. The radio he had fixed was still softly playing. Their things were still there. The sun was shining brightly through the window, mocking him with how happy everything seemed, as if Kei had just gone out for a walk. As if things were just on pause. As if his hands weren’t trembling as he sank against their futon, heart breaking in his chest.
Something like this was always going to happen, he knew that. It’d been something he’d been bracing for. He’d thought he’d be ready when it all came falling down. He hadn’t thought it’d fall down like this. Even if he had no one else, he was supposed to still have Kei.
Summer again his thoughts echoed as Truffles butted up against his chest. Emi laughed to himself before his throat felt thick, and he buried his sobs against her fur.
august 20something
It just meant that in his absence, Emi would have to take extra care at the farm. No one else tended to the horses the same way Ethan had. What did it matter if they were safe from storms if no one was sharing the same amount of care Ethan had? So Emi would stay a bit later in his farm shifts, like he was today, making his way through the horse fields to check on them.
Much to his delight, Crash trotted over to him right away when he noticed the blond. He must have been doing something right then, he thought. The horse bumped heads with him and Emi laughed, reaching up to stroke the beast’s neck. Maybe one of these days he could convince Kei to come out and see them.
The laughter died in his throat and his world went silent.
The name bled through his memories, filling each nook and crevice of his thoughts until it was a mystery how he had ever forgotten such a thing. There was all the sharpness he had struggled to remember, the edge that had felt like home on his tongue. He’d always liked it, Kei. Liked how it sounded, liked how similar it made them when Kei would call him--
Call him…?
His breath rattled in his chest, realizing it was just one of two. There was a nudge at his cheek, and Emi stared at the horse in front of him. “I’m sorry,” he blurted, taking a step back.
Then another.
Then he was running, as hard and as fast as his legs would carry him.
It didn’t make any sense. He could only think of one reason why, and it didn’t make sense. This wasn’t the plan. He’d just been with him hours ago, pressing a chaste kiss to the demi-human’s temple as he grumbled at him from their futon. Have a good day was his quiet farewell as Emi reached the door, and Emi had laughed. I’ll see you later.
They were supposed to stay here. They were going to figure this out together. Pay off their debts. Start over here. If it didn’t work out they’d go somewhere else, both of them. Wherever Kei went, Emi would follow, so it didn’t… it didn’t make any fucking sense.
It didn’t register when he’d made it to his door. His lungs were on fire, chest heaving with each labored breath he took. Whatever thoughts he had were suddenly a jumble of white noise and the single high pitch of sound that cut through it all as he stared wildly at the nameplate on the frame. He dimly registered the anxious meow that came from the door at the back of his mind. Truffles was on her own and--
‘Eiji’ had always sat nicely above Emi’s name. He’d liked it, that their names had still sounded so similar. It had always made him smile a bit to think about it.
‘Emi’ sat alone, the only smile in sight.
When he opened the door, the pretty scottish fold was immediately winding through his legs, trying to vy for his attention before anything else in the room could. The radio he had fixed was still softly playing. Their things were still there. The sun was shining brightly through the window, mocking him with how happy everything seemed, as if Kei had just gone out for a walk. As if things were just on pause. As if his hands weren’t trembling as he sank against their futon, heart breaking in his chest.
Something like this was always going to happen, he knew that. It’d been something he’d been bracing for. He’d thought he’d be ready when it all came falling down. He hadn’t thought it’d fall down like this. Even if he had no one else, he was supposed to still have Kei.
Summer again his thoughts echoed as Truffles butted up against his chest. Emi laughed to himself before his throat felt thick, and he buried his sobs against her fur.