[Getting it over with was the better decision, seeing as Emi's focus on literally anything else had been entirely shot to shit. He'd pace around, reread that Key Point of the exchange, and then pace around with even more intensity. At some point an intervention was staged when Mr. Bo shoved Emi out from the bar because all that pacing with such a brooding expression was just bad news.
He shouldn't have kept reading it but he kept reading it. Over and over as he screamed to the internal heavens.
[Around 15 minutes later, Eiji arrived at the Boar's Nest, looking... well, completely normal. Every bit his distant, sharp, analytical self. He felt a little uneasy, but that was typical of Change. At the very least, he could still be assured that his logic held merit, and that reassured him enough to go through with it. Emi would understand. He'd see it from his point of view.
His eyes traveled to the bar first, where the blond would normally be working, but he wasn't there. Um? Thankfully, Mr. Bo was kind enough to point him to the table where Emi was taking his break.
Okay. Not that... he was nervous, but deep breaths anyway. Calmly, he walked over and pulled up a seat for himself across from Emi.]
[They had been some of the most tortuous minutes of his life.
When Emi registered that he was no longer alone with his thoughts he glanced up. His gaze was so much sharper than normal, golds intensely probing and searching the other boy in front of him for anything that might have seemed out of place. If this was another case of magic fiddling, someone was going to be very, very sorry that they had fiddled. He'd had more than enough of that, thank you.
... It didn't stop his expression from softening somewhat as Emi watched him though, with tentative curiosity. It still felt too much to dare to hope but... This! This was the problem!!]
[Eiji folded his hands across the tables, fingers twisting in conflicted knots. He had his explanation all neatly lined up, but... but somehow getting the words to actually form on his tongue was proving a little trickier. For a moment, his gaze lowered, falling to the table.
This felt incredibly silly. And yet, its necessity spurred him to continue.
Come on, Eiji, You could be impartial about this, even about this. With a small click of his tongue, he dragged his eyes back up to meet Emi's, ever composed.]
I've been deliberating this for a while, and after assessing our current state of affairs, I came to the conclusion that a romantic relationship has the potential to benefit both of us better than our current positions.
Obviously, I know... your feelings in regards to me. Saying that your morale would improve is pretty much a no brainer, but so would your overall well-being and performance. And as I have a vested interest in all these things, naturally I'd favour this outcome.
But, on the matter of my feelings... On a purely empirical level, I can say with certainty that I can't match the depths of what you feel. However, this fact alone isn't grounds for disqualifying the consideration for a relationship. At least, that's what I think now.
[In a moment of entirely inappropriate reactions, Emi slipped into a soft round of laughter.
This was... ridiculous. Ridiculous and so, so Eiji. The moment he had mentioned how a romantic relationship could benefit the both of their positions, the heavy weight of worry had lifted from his shoulders. This was the boy he loved with the sound mind he proclaimed.]
Here I was, worried someone slipped you more chocolates.
[But they hadn't. Which meant that this was. Exactly what Eiji said it was. This was a day that Emi had simply assumed would never happen happening. Emi leaned forward a bit on his seat, resting his hands just near Eiji's. His expression had grown immeasurably soft, fondness touching every corner.
There was still a tick of hesitation rooted in his thoughts however, because as much as this was some bizarre miracle defying everything he thought would happen, there were still details he couldn't ignore. The whispers of his own-self doubt were ever present, and with all the evidence of care that Emi had watched build up for someone else over the past few months...]
I think you're right? Depths don't need to match, Eiji, we're not in a care-a-lot competition. But are you... [Emi paused, a fidgety tap on the table as he worked through the hesitation.]
[The only sign of Eiji being taken aback by the question as a raised brow pointed in the blond's direction. It seemed a strange shift, considering all the caring touches, nighttime embraces, gestures of affection - and now Emi was asking if he was all right with him? As though his ability to tolerate him was in doubt?
Sternly, in the same tone that one might say, don't be stupid, the demi-human stated:] Of course I am.
I wouldn't consider the proposition if you weren't involved. Emi...
[His brows furrowed as he chewed on his inner lip, trying to figure out how to put it into words. After another deep breath to center himself, Eiji forced out the words:]
I care about you more than anyone else on this island.
[Lingering feelings of [...?] aside, it was different when the arrangement wasn't mutual. Every touch and affection was something given as freely as a morning greeting with the understanding that Eiji could simply walk away. The understated thought shadowing the back of his thoughts was that he should walk away, before Emi could hold him fast and just... not let go.
It took a moment for Emi to force himself back out of the old mentality to see this for what it was: Eiji being honest. What benefit was there to not be, in this situation?
He was dying, but in the best way.]
Eiji...
[He crossed the gap between their hands, carefully brushing his fingers over Eiji's. The tactile sensation was potentially a ploy to detract from the color that was starting to creep across his face, but Emi wasn't sure it was going to work. This felt like too much all at once, and Emi bit his lip to keep it all from spilling out pre-emptively.]
If that's the case, then you already know my answer.
[Of course. He hadn't expected anything else, not from Emi. As the other boy's fingers gently grazed his, Eiji's tightened, gripping each other in tense concentration.
No, the problem was always going to be himself. He could feel his pulse underneath his skin, beating fast as he stared down the precipice of change. Eiji lowered his head, gaze falling to their hands - to Emi's, reaching out to him.
This is what he had decided on, he reminded himself. There was no point to feeling anxious. There was only the doing.
Eiji gathered up his determination, focusing it into the core of him as he steeled his voice. And while it sounded like he was equally trying to justify the endeavour to himself as much as he was explaining it to Emi, he was firm in telling him:] I did not come to this conclusion because my feelings directed me towards it. I am not my feelings.
This is a choice I made, to pursue a risk that I've judged to be worth the cost. So...
[Like stiff, awkward things, he unlatched his fingers from each other and placed them over Emi's - with all the grace of a wooden mannequin. There was no part of his movements that weren't uncertain, but they moved all the same.]
[There was no point in arguing that one could make informed decisions based on feelings. It was neither the time nor the place, and honestly it was just... Eiji being Eiji. Knowing how the other boy functioned, sitting down and carefully rationilizing that it benefited him most to step into the wild dance known as caring was that much more poignant.
His actions may have been clunky and awkward, but Emi was there to meet him every step of the way. It was not a one-sided affair. At least, it wasn't anymore. It was those small efforts that tipped Emi's emotions over the edge.
Emi smiled warmly at him, metaphorical tail wagging at the speed of light.]
[Eiji gave the barest of nods, but his air softened into one of satisfied approval. There was almost a smile in his eyes, even if he kept his gaze glued to their overlapping hands. He could hear how brightly Emi was glowing from his voice already, looking up would just be excessively mushy - it ran the risk of being so embarrassing that he'd have to rethink this whole thing entirely.
But it was more relief than he was willing to admit, knowing that this was going smoothly. He didn't know what resistance he'd have to face from Emi, but seeing as it was minimal... that was good.
So: to business, and ironing out the details of this arrangement.]
Is there anything additional you'd need out of me now that this is official?
[If Emi had increased expectations now, he'd like to know...]
[It shouldn't have, but the business contract approach caught Emi a little off guard.]
Huh?
[or maybe it had been the prospect of 'anything additional' that had tripped him up. Certain daydreams aside (that had been firmly established as Never Happening), Emi had barely ever dared to contemplate what it would be like for this reality to come to pass. He hadn't really given relationships in general any thought considering... Everything.]
Uh...
I mean I already hold your hand and kiss you sometimes so I guess... It'd be more of that? [SHRUG.] If you want to, anyway. I figure we could just feel things out but... [Emi tilt his head, giving Eiji a considering look. That wasn't much his scene so:] Was there, uh, anything you were expecting out of me?
[It... was true. Most of the basic ground was already covered pretty soundly already. Eiji raised his head to think on it for a short moment, hmm-ing in consideration of their strengths.]
Well, I think you should continue being the one to plan excursions, since I don't really have an eye for that. [Dates were considerably far from Eiji's realm of expertise.] And I'll need you to keep helping me control my ghost. We'll have to find some new training ground, too.
[Emi wasn't sure how good at actual dates he'd be, but he felt confident in the knowledge that probably Eiji didn't want anything fancy anyway. Just doing what they were already doing and taking the other boy to places he thought were neat would probably suffice. They still had a picnic to go on and everything. Emi nodded along.]
Of course, i'd wanna help with ghosts still even if we weren't going out. We could even go scope out new places on a date. [he grinned.] We'd be so efficient and multi-tasking.
[Eiji couldn't hide the fact that his face lightened up at the mention of efficiency, smiling a little in amusement. It was a perk, for sure, but he was more tickled hearing Emi talk that way - like he was trying to speak Eiji's language to appeal to him. It was hardly necessary, but maybe that was why it was kind of funny.
It did relax him, though. Enough that when he glanced away again, it was less anxious and more to the tune of being bashful.]
That's true... [He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, before slowly letting it out. Don't get distracted - focus on the goal, Eiji.]
This'll be a good experiment. We can see how differently it acts.
[He had to admit that he was definitely curious about that himself. It felt a little silly to think that he would have had that much impact on Eiji's relationship with his ghost. And yet, it was more or less a fact by this point that the ghost was fond of him...
... Because Eiji was fond of him? It was a connection he'd never really let himself dwell on, until right then. Emi's smile grew unbidden, the warmth filling his face feeling more like a pleasant buzz.]
Yeah! I'm sure it'll appreciate a chance to stretch its legs too.
But Emi could be allowed his enthused curiosity. It was a good foundation to build off of, when so much of this decision had been based on the potential benefits it could bring to his ghost. Tangible gains, he reminded himself, before he could start to second guess this whole venture.
It was already bearing some fruit, at least, seeing how happy Emi looked in his adoration. Of the possible results, this was easily the most achievable, but the demi-human allowed himself to feel at least a little pleased.
With a business-like nod, Eiji met eyes with his... ugh, 'boyfriend' felt like such a juvenile term. Partner at least felt a little more comfortable as a title, but it implied a commitment that he wasn't sure was there yet. This was just an experiment, he told himself. For now.]
[Clear as they could be in the kind of relationship they had. Emi honestly couldn't say he knew how much would change (which in hindsight made all those relationship questions make a bit of sense), but he supposed that was part of what made this seem like a comfortable step to take.
He felt lighter though, lifted up with a giddiness he hadn't been anticipating. Meeting Eiji's eyes, Emi's lifted with that happiness and he turned his hands so they could touch palm to palm.]
Let's see where this takes us.
[His warm fuzzies were interrupted by the distant sound of an uproarious cheer from the other side of the restaurant. Ah, right. He was at work and was... technically supposed to still be working. How long had he been on break? Emi clicked his tongue, but he couldn't drop the smile Eiji had put on his face.]
I should get back to work before I gotta take onion room shifts too.
[This seemed reasonable. Eiji nodded again, and slid his fingers out from between Emi's. Palms down on the table, he pushed himself out of his chair to stand.]
All right. I'm going to make dinner.
[Which was... incredibly domestic already, it occurred to him. Something that a housewife would do. But that didn't change the fact that it was still practical, he told himself. Whatever needed doing, right?
He'd let Emi deal with whatever ruckus was going on elsewhere. For now, the demi-human simply got his things and prepared to leave.]
Yeah. [It came out soft, humbled.] I won't be too long.
[Emi got up from the table, knowing that there were probably orders of rounds approaching from the victorious crowd the moment he stepped back behind the bar. There were things to do! Happy patrons to get drunk.
But he wanted this moment to last just a little longer and soak up every last drop of its warm glow. He paused by Eiji's side while he was still in his seat, leaning his palm on the table and swiftly swooping in.
Farewell kisses got to be the new norm, didn't they? He sure hoped so, cuz he was pressing one tenderly against Eiji's cheek. He was still smiling as he pulled back.]
I'll see you at home.
[Emi gave the table top a light pat, bouncing back on his heels to practically skip his way back to work.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
It's fine. I'll come by the Boar's Nest. I'm already finished my shift anyway.
[SO NOW WAS JUST HORRIBLE WAITING UNTIL EIJI GOT THERE.]
no subject
He shouldn't have kept reading it but he kept reading it. Over and over as he screamed to the internal heavens.
And waited.]
no subject
His eyes traveled to the bar first, where the blond would normally be working, but he wasn't there. Um? Thankfully, Mr. Bo was kind enough to point him to the table where Emi was taking his break.
Okay. Not that... he was nervous, but deep breaths anyway. Calmly, he walked over and pulled up a seat for himself across from Emi.]
...I suppose you'd like an explanation.
no subject
When Emi registered that he was no longer alone with his thoughts he glanced up. His gaze was so much sharper than normal, golds intensely probing and searching the other boy in front of him for anything that might have seemed out of place. If this was another case of magic fiddling, someone was going to be very, very sorry that they had fiddled. He'd had more than enough of that, thank you.
... It didn't stop his expression from softening somewhat as Emi watched him though,
with tentative curiosity. It still felt too much to dare to hope but... This! This was the problem!!]
Hey.
That'd... I'd like that, please.
no subject
This felt incredibly silly. And yet, its necessity spurred him to continue.
Come on, Eiji, You could be impartial about this, even about this. With a small click of his tongue, he dragged his eyes back up to meet Emi's, ever composed.]
I've been deliberating this for a while, and after assessing our current state of affairs, I came to the conclusion that a romantic relationship has the potential to benefit both of us better than our current positions.
Obviously, I know... your feelings in regards to me. Saying that your morale would improve is pretty much a no brainer, but so would your overall well-being and performance. And as I have a vested interest in all these things, naturally I'd favour this outcome.
But, on the matter of my feelings... On a purely empirical level, I can say with certainty that I can't match the depths of what you feel. However, this fact alone isn't grounds for disqualifying the consideration for a relationship. At least, that's what I think now.
no subject
This was... ridiculous. Ridiculous and so, so Eiji. The moment he had mentioned how a romantic relationship could benefit the both of their positions, the heavy weight of worry had lifted from his shoulders. This was the boy he loved with the sound mind he proclaimed.]
Here I was, worried someone slipped you more chocolates.
[But they hadn't. Which meant that this was. Exactly what Eiji said it was. This was a day that Emi had simply assumed would never happen happening. Emi leaned forward a bit on his seat, resting his hands just near Eiji's. His expression had grown immeasurably soft, fondness touching every corner.
There was still a tick of hesitation rooted in his thoughts however, because as much as this was some bizarre miracle defying everything he thought would happen, there were still details he couldn't ignore. The whispers of his own-self doubt were ever present, and with all the evidence of care that Emi had watched build up for someone else over the past few months...]
I think you're right? Depths don't need to match, Eiji, we're not in a care-a-lot competition. But are you... [Emi paused, a fidgety tap on the table as he worked through the hesitation.]
... are you sure you're alright with me?
no subject
Sternly, in the same tone that one might say, don't be stupid, the demi-human stated:] Of course I am.
I wouldn't consider the proposition if you weren't involved. Emi...
[His brows furrowed as he chewed on his inner lip, trying to figure out how to put it into words. After another deep breath to center himself, Eiji forced out the words:]
I care about you more than anyone else on this island.
no subject
It took a moment for Emi to force himself back out of the old mentality to see this for what it was: Eiji being honest. What benefit was there to not be, in this situation?
He was dying, but in the best way.]
Eiji...
[He crossed the gap between their hands, carefully brushing his fingers over Eiji's. The tactile sensation was potentially a ploy to detract from the color that was starting to creep across his face, but Emi wasn't sure it was going to work. This felt like too much all at once, and Emi bit his lip to keep it all from spilling out pre-emptively.]
If that's the case, then you already know my answer.
no subject
No, the problem was always going to be himself. He could feel his pulse underneath his skin, beating fast as he stared down the precipice of change. Eiji lowered his head, gaze falling to their hands - to Emi's, reaching out to him.
This is what he had decided on, he reminded himself. There was no point to feeling anxious. There was only the doing.
Eiji gathered up his determination, focusing it into the core of him as he steeled his voice. And while it sounded like he was equally trying to justify the endeavour to himself as much as he was explaining it to Emi, he was firm in telling him:] I did not come to this conclusion because my feelings directed me towards it. I am not my feelings.
This is a choice I made, to pursue a risk that I've judged to be worth the cost. So...
[Like stiff, awkward things, he unlatched his fingers from each other and placed them over Emi's - with all the grace of a wooden mannequin. There was no part of his movements that weren't uncertain, but they moved all the same.]
...Let's take it slowly.
no subject
His actions may have been clunky and awkward, but Emi was there to meet him every step of the way. It was not a one-sided affair. At least, it wasn't anymore. It was those small efforts that tipped Emi's emotions over the edge.
Emi smiled warmly at him, metaphorical tail wagging at the speed of light.]
I'm not in a hurry to get anywhere without you.
no subject
[Eiji gave the barest of nods, but his air softened into one of satisfied approval. There was almost a smile in his eyes, even if he kept his gaze glued to their overlapping hands. He could hear how brightly Emi was glowing from his voice already, looking up would just be excessively mushy - it ran the risk of being so embarrassing that he'd have to rethink this whole thing entirely.
But it was more relief than he was willing to admit, knowing that this was going smoothly. He didn't know what resistance he'd have to face from Emi, but seeing as it was minimal... that was good.
So: to business, and ironing out the details of this arrangement.]
Is there anything additional you'd need out of me now that this is official?
[If Emi had increased expectations now, he'd like to know...]
no subject
Huh?
[or maybe it had been the prospect of 'anything additional' that had tripped him up. Certain daydreams aside (that had been firmly established as Never Happening), Emi had barely ever dared to contemplate what it would be like for this reality to come to pass. He hadn't really given relationships in general any thought considering... Everything.]
Uh...
I mean I already hold your hand and kiss you sometimes so I guess... It'd be more of that? [SHRUG.] If you want to, anyway. I figure we could just feel things out but... [Emi tilt his head, giving Eiji a considering look. That wasn't much his scene so:] Was there, uh, anything you were expecting out of me?
no subject
Well, I think you should continue being the one to plan excursions, since I don't really have an eye for that. [Dates were considerably far from Eiji's realm of expertise.] And I'll need you to keep helping me control my ghost. We'll have to find some new training ground, too.
no subject
Of course, i'd wanna help with ghosts still even if we weren't going out. We could even go scope out new places on a date. [he grinned.] We'd be so efficient and multi-tasking.
ughhghhhhh im the worst
It did relax him, though. Enough that when he glanced away again, it was less anxious and more to the tune of being bashful.]
That's true... [He sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, before slowly letting it out. Don't get distracted - focus on the goal, Eiji.]
This'll be a good experiment. We can see how differently it acts.
shhhhh
... Because Eiji was fond of him? It was a connection he'd never really let himself dwell on, until right then. Emi's smile grew unbidden, the warmth filling his face feeling more like a pleasant buzz.]
Yeah! I'm sure it'll appreciate a chance to stretch its legs too.
[Because that's definitely how ghosts worked?]
Ahh, now I'm curious.
no subject
But Emi could be allowed his enthused curiosity. It was a good foundation to build off of, when so much of this decision had been based on the potential benefits it could bring to his ghost. Tangible gains, he reminded himself, before he could start to second guess this whole venture.
It was already bearing some fruit, at least, seeing how happy Emi looked in his adoration. Of the possible results, this was easily the most achievable, but the demi-human allowed himself to feel at least a little pleased.
With a business-like nod, Eiji met eyes with his... ugh, 'boyfriend' felt like such a juvenile term. Partner at least felt a little more comfortable as a title, but it implied a commitment that he wasn't sure was there yet. This was just an experiment, he told himself. For now.]
Then, we're clear in our roles.
no subject
[Clear as they could be in the kind of relationship they had. Emi honestly couldn't say he knew how much would change (which in hindsight made all those relationship questions make a bit of sense), but he supposed that was part of what made this seem like a comfortable step to take.
He felt lighter though, lifted up with a giddiness he hadn't been anticipating. Meeting Eiji's eyes, Emi's lifted with that happiness and he turned his hands so they could touch palm to palm.]
Let's see where this takes us.
[His warm fuzzies were interrupted by the distant sound of an uproarious cheer from the other side of the restaurant. Ah, right. He was at work and was... technically supposed to still be working. How long had he been on break? Emi clicked his tongue, but he couldn't drop the smile Eiji had put on his face.]
I should get back to work before I gotta take onion room shifts too.
no subject
All right. I'm going to make dinner.
[Which was... incredibly domestic already, it occurred to him. Something that a housewife would do. But that didn't change the fact that it was still practical, he told himself. Whatever needed doing, right?
He'd let Emi deal with whatever ruckus was going on elsewhere. For now, the demi-human simply got his things and prepared to leave.]
I'll see you back home.
[
SO married]no subject
Yeah. [It came out soft, humbled.] I won't be too long.
[Emi got up from the table, knowing that there were probably orders of rounds approaching from the victorious crowd the moment he stepped back behind the bar. There were things to do! Happy patrons to get drunk.
But he wanted this moment to last just a little longer and soak up every last drop of its warm glow. He paused by Eiji's side while he was still in his seat, leaning his palm on the table and swiftly swooping in.
Farewell kisses got to be the new norm, didn't they? He sure hoped so, cuz he was pressing one tenderly against Eiji's cheek. He was still smiling as he pulled back.]
I'll see you at home.
[Emi gave the table top a light pat, bouncing back on his heels to practically skip his way back to work.]
no subject
there was a scream ]
no subject