[Okay. Well... a few minutes later, there was Eiji - scanning the floor out of habit to make sure no one was there to see him come into Room 017, before inviting himself in. He closed the door behind him and stood there for a moment, awkwardly.
From his silence, it was clear that he had no idea how to begin this conversation.]
[Emi, at the very least, didn't seem to have any intentions of making it more awkward than it had to be. He sat up from his spot on his futon when Eiji shut the door, lifting his hand casually in greeting.]
[Look he was. Working himself up to that bit. With an almost uncharacteristic bashfulness to his air, Eiji lifted his head up slightly to look at Emi. Though the gaze didn't last long before it fell away elsewhere.]
[The blonde shrugged a bit, even if Eiji wasn't looking to see.]
S'fine.
[He scooted over to the edge of the futon, in case Eiji wanted somewhere to sit, but he wouldn't have been surprised if the other boy decided to stay over there the whole time.]
[Yeah he was. Going to stay standing here for a bit. Eiji still felt too twisted up inside to relax, and the tiredness wasn't doing him any favours either. It felt like a battle to get any words out of his mouth at all.]
I know. ['And I take that for granted.']
It's not fair to you that I'm... ['like this.' Eiji bit his lower lip.] --that I said we shouldn't be friends here.
[The words came out too quickly, a reaction blurted out before Eiji could catch up with it. There was a pause as he stumbled, trying to make sense of his own impulses.]
You're... the one person I have to keep safe. And I don't know what that means. I've never cared about anything else like that, and that... scares me, a little.
I thought you'd be safer if you weren't associated with me, but I don't even know if that's true anymore. It might not even matter. If that's the case, then...
[Oh. Well. The words swept over him like a wave and filled him up with a confusing emotion he couldn't quite identify. Something surprised, a little bit scared, but... Something undeniably fond.
Oh, Eiji. If only he'd known.
No longer content to sit, Emi was up and across the room in moments, carefully watching Eiji's face with bright eyes froma few steps away.]
I won't break so easy, y'know. I'm supposed to be keeping you safe.
... So we don't... Have to keep pretending, if you don't want to.
Edited (Was that even the word i was going for sure) 2016-09-04 09:10 (UTC)
[Eiji knotted his fingers together in anxious thought. In one way or another, pretending was all he'd done for years, maybe even all his life. Lies came as easily to him as the answers on a flash card, whether it was in the form of repeating socially acceptable answers, or false reassurances masking true thoughts.
He felt scared and inadequate and powerless, a little sick with the idea of opening himself up to be so vulnerable. Even hating the idea that he had such an Achilles' Heel somewhere in his heart just a little. But he swallowed it all down, packaged it in the form of a fumbling, unpracticed response that gave the air that he was willing to hope - even if in truth, he was far from happy.]
[And he wanted to believe that. He well and truly did, but there was the nagging feeling that this was too simple. Something wasn't lining up, which seemed to be the defining feature of their friendship at Koriko so far.
It would have been so easy to let his hopes up if his throat didn't still itch a little from the other morning. Especially if that was... God if that had actually been Eiji... Emi felt the height of his cheeks burning slightly and he lowered his eyes.]
[There was a slight pause before Eiji looked up, more certainty in his dark red eyes now.]
No, it's not enough.
[It wasn't enough, and it wouldn't ever be enough until they both got their wishes granted. That was what he was determined of. There was no point in simply accepting their current situation as indentured servants to be ideal when they still had something greater to work towards. Eiji had to keep his eye on the prize.]
If pretending doesn't serve a purpose, then it's wasted effort. And besides, I...
[Well he couldn't argue with that, could he? Emi let out a light huff, almost a laugh.]
... Well. That'd be good then. You kind of look like shit.
[Just to be frank and all. He hated to think that part of that was his fault, but all they could do was move forward from it. Move forward and... Hope for the best? Something like that. The only thing Emi was super sure of was that tiny, persistent warmth had sprung back up behind his ribs, alight with a tentative hope.
I want to
The thought didn't finish before Emi was crossing the steps between them and wrapping his arms loosely around the other boy in one (admittedly unpracticed) motion.]
[If Emi was unpracticed, then Eiji was completely uninitiated. He froze awkwardly when the hug encircled him, forgetting even to breathe for a moment.
Deep in the pit of his heart, he wanted to recoil at the sudden gesture. It was new and different and intimate and it made him uncertain of what to do or say. Despite being a near universal display of care, there was nothing about it that felt comforting at all to him - just strange.
But he didn't recoil. He forced himself to breathe again. For Emi. Lamely, Eiji lowered his head to rest it on the other boy's shoulder. Was he ever going to not feel tired?]
[Emi shut his eyes, lightly letting his head rest against his friend's. (He got to think that now, he realized. That was nice.)
He hadn't needed an apology. Never expected one, never thought he was ever owed one. He hadn't thought the conversation was about this when he suggested it. Even if it had hurt, he had believed he had already forgiven him long ago. He had, really. And yet...
There was a sense of calm that came with it, as if he had found something that had been lost. A kind of validation he hadn’t realized he might have needed because he’d never thought to look for it.
[A small sigh escaped Eiji as his shoulders relaxed against Emi's arms. Even if he wouldn't admit it out loud, he did feel... a little better. The guilt was slowly starting to fade like an old memory, just like Emi said it would. It didn't completely get rid of the tightness in his chest or the swarm of uncertainty buzzing around him, but at least for this one moment, he felt content.
Feeling fatigue catching up to him, Eiji's eyes began to droop. With an obviously sleepy murmur, he began to pull away.]
[A small smile was waiting for him, and Emi slid his hands to Eiji's shoulders in a steadying. When was the last time he had gotten a good amount of sleep..? He really did look kind of awful.]
Nah. I'll take them, but I really don't need any.
[He didn't really think he'd done all that much. Giving Eiji's shoulders a little squeeze, Emi nodded his head towards his futon which was still all laid out and looking oh-so-inviting.]
[It'd be fine, he was pretty sure. Nothing that caffeine wouldn't fix. He still had things he needed to do today, and taking a nap right now would just throw him off.]
[Emi gave him a little bit of a wary look, but he nodded and gave the boy's shoulders a little pat before letting them go.]
Sounds like a plan.
[Which meant... Eiji was free to go. He wasn't sure if there was anything else that the demi-human had wanted to talk about himself. There was something that was still bugging Emi, but maybe it wasn't the time to ask about it. They were ending this on a good note, but...]
[Eiji had already started turning to leave, but he stopped when Emi spoke up again. What was this now? He thought he'd said everything he needed to already.]
[The question was no longer about if Eiji had been in his dream. That much seemed certain now. But the end... The end didn't make sense. Emi's brow furrowed slightly as the new question formed on his tongue, trying to take shape.
Except, ah. That.. Probably had to do with whatever Eiji hadn't wanted to talk about. That was out then. But he'd spoken up so...!
So Emi gave an awkward shuffle of his feet instead, looking uncharacteristically shy for someone that was usually so straightforward and impulsive in his actions.]
[The pause perplexed Eiji, but when Emi spoke up with such a simple request, the demi-human couldn't help but blink. Ah... He rubbed his eyes, obviously too tired to object.]
Uh... sure.
[He turned to go without much else fanfare, trusting Emi to follow.]
[The extent of which Emi brightened up when given a 'yes' was probably borderline embarrassing. The smile his mouth formed was still small, the majority of it lighting up his eyes.]
Cool.
[He was quick on Emi's heels, pausing just long enough to make sure his room was shut properly. He wasn't going to let this chance slip past- but, oh, they probably... Didn't really need to be chances anymore. It wasn't a chance, it was just a regular thing.
Falling into step next to someone was just something that people got to DO. Huh. Even if he was still going to keep that dream bit in the back of his head, this was… Nice. (and now he had the chance to make sure eiji didn’t pass out on the way.)]
[Off to the employees-only kitchen, then. It was an odd hour of the day - too late for lunch but too early for dinner, so the place was mostly quiet. But hey, that meant no line ups, so that was a plus.
The demi-human stepped up to the counter and ordered from the lesser spirit in the kitchen.]
One coffee with cream.
[Sure, it wasn't fancy magic coffee like Selenite's. The spirits were mostly kind of mindless and their food was slapdash as a result, but it did the trick. He looked over at Emi, unsure whether he'd be ordering something too. Either way, they'd be waiting there a few minutes - though he wasn't sure what to say to pass the time while they were there.]
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huffs
Can I come to your room?
I'm the greediest don't u kno
[Conveniently.]
Door's open.
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From his silence, it was clear that he had no idea how to begin this conversation.]
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Hey.
[You could start off by saying hello, Eiji.]
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Hi.
...I should've talked to you sooner.
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S'fine.
[He scooted over to the edge of the futon, in case Eiji wanted somewhere to sit, but he wouldn't have been surprised if the other boy decided to stay over there the whole time.]
I'm not goin' anywhere.
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I know. ['And I take that for granted.']
It's not fair to you that I'm... ['like this.' Eiji bit his lower lip.] --that I said we shouldn't be friends here.
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Eiji... [He paused, licking his lips and wishing he knew just how much of which parts Eiji had seen of the inside of his head.]
I wouldn't have asked if I cared about what was fair. I didn't- I don't- want to be some burden you're saddled with just because I'm here.
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[The words came out too quickly, a reaction blurted out before Eiji could catch up with it. There was a pause as he stumbled, trying to make sense of his own impulses.]
You're... the one person I have to keep safe. And I don't know what that means. I've never cared about anything else like that, and that... scares me, a little.
I thought you'd be safer if you weren't associated with me, but I don't even know if that's true anymore. It might not even matter. If that's the case, then...
[Didn't that make all the pretending pointless?]
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Oh, Eiji. If only he'd known.
No longer content to sit, Emi was up and across the room in moments, carefully watching Eiji's face with bright eyes froma few steps away.]
I won't break so easy, y'know. I'm supposed to be keeping you safe.
... So we don't... Have to keep pretending, if you don't want to.
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He felt scared and inadequate and powerless, a little sick with the idea of opening himself up to be so vulnerable. Even hating the idea that he had such an Achilles' Heel somewhere in his heart just a little. But he swallowed it all down, packaged it in the form of a fumbling, unpracticed response that gave the air that he was willing to hope - even if in truth, he was far from happy.]
I'd... like that.
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It would have been so easy to let his hopes up if his throat didn't still itch a little from the other morning. Especially if that was... God if that had actually been Eiji... Emi felt the height of his cheeks burning slightly and he lowered his eyes.]
Are you sure? If it's just because of me...
[If he was the only reason, he didn't want it.]
Getting to be here with you is enough.
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No, it's not enough.
[It wasn't enough, and it wouldn't ever be enough until they both got their wishes granted. That was what he was determined of. There was no point in simply accepting their current situation as indentured servants to be ideal when they still had something greater to work towards. Eiji had to keep his eye on the prize.]
If pretending doesn't serve a purpose, then it's wasted effort. And besides, I...
['want to stop feeling guilty']
...I'd sleep better at night.
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... Well. That'd be good then. You kind of look like shit.
[Just to be frank and all. He hated to think that part of that was his fault, but all they could do was move forward from it. Move forward and... Hope for the best? Something like that. The only thing Emi was super sure of was that tiny, persistent warmth had sprung back up behind his ribs, alight with a tentative hope.
I want to
The thought didn't finish before Emi was crossing the steps between them and wrapping his arms loosely around the other boy in one (admittedly unpracticed) motion.]
I meant it when I said we're okay, Eiji.
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Deep in the pit of his heart, he wanted to recoil at the sudden gesture. It was new and different and intimate and it made him uncertain of what to do or say. Despite being a near universal display of care, there was nothing about it that felt comforting at all to him - just strange.
But he didn't recoil. He forced himself to breathe again. For Emi. Lamely, Eiji lowered his head to rest it on the other boy's shoulder. Was he ever going to not feel tired?]
I know, but...
I'm sorry.
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He hadn't needed an apology. Never expected one, never thought he was ever owed one. He hadn't thought the conversation was about this when he suggested it. Even if it had hurt, he had believed he had already forgiven him long ago. He had, really. And yet...
There was a sense of calm that came with it, as if he had found something that had been lost. A kind of validation he hadn’t realized he might have needed because he’d never thought to look for it.
Emi sighed softly against Eiji's hair.]
It's okay. You're fine, Eiji.
... Thanks.
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Feeling fatigue catching up to him, Eiji's eyes began to droop. With an obviously sleepy murmur, he began to pull away.]
I'm the one who should be thanking you...
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Nah. I'll take them, but I really don't need any.
[He didn't really think he'd done all that much. Giving Eiji's shoulders a little squeeze, Emi nodded his head towards his futon which was still all laid out and looking oh-so-inviting.]
D'you... Want to take a little rest?
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No, I'll just... get some coffee.
[It'd be fine, he was pretty sure. Nothing that caffeine wouldn't fix. He still had things he needed to do today, and taking a nap right now would just throw him off.]
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Sounds like a plan.
[Which meant... Eiji was free to go. He wasn't sure if there was anything else that the demi-human had wanted to talk about himself. There was something that was still bugging Emi, but maybe it wasn't the time to ask about it. They were ending this on a good note, but...]
Hey, Eiji...?
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Yeah...?
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Except, ah. That.. Probably had to do with whatever Eiji hadn't wanted to talk about. That was out then. But he'd spoken up so...!
So Emi gave an awkward shuffle of his feet instead, looking uncharacteristically shy for someone that was usually so straightforward and impulsive in his actions.]
... Could I join you for that coffee?
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Uh... sure.
[He turned to go without much else fanfare, trusting Emi to follow.]
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Cool.
[He was quick on Emi's heels, pausing just long enough to make sure his room was shut properly. He wasn't going to let this chance slip past- but, oh, they probably... Didn't really need to be chances anymore. It wasn't a chance, it was just a regular thing.
Falling into step next to someone was just something that people got to DO. Huh. Even if he was still going to keep that dream bit in the back of his head, this was… Nice. (and now he had the chance to make sure eiji didn’t pass out on the way.)]
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The demi-human stepped up to the counter and ordered from the lesser spirit in the kitchen.]
One coffee with cream.
[Sure, it wasn't fancy magic coffee like Selenite's. The spirits were mostly kind of mindless and their food was slapdash as a result, but it did the trick. He looked over at Emi, unsure whether he'd be ordering something too. Either way, they'd be waiting there a few minutes - though he wasn't sure what to say to pass the time while they were there.]
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