[And he wanted to believe that. He well and truly did, but there was the nagging feeling that this was too simple. Something wasn't lining up, which seemed to be the defining feature of their friendship at Koriko so far.
It would have been so easy to let his hopes up if his throat didn't still itch a little from the other morning. Especially if that was... God if that had actually been Eiji... Emi felt the height of his cheeks burning slightly and he lowered his eyes.]
[There was a slight pause before Eiji looked up, more certainty in his dark red eyes now.]
No, it's not enough.
[It wasn't enough, and it wouldn't ever be enough until they both got their wishes granted. That was what he was determined of. There was no point in simply accepting their current situation as indentured servants to be ideal when they still had something greater to work towards. Eiji had to keep his eye on the prize.]
If pretending doesn't serve a purpose, then it's wasted effort. And besides, I...
[Well he couldn't argue with that, could he? Emi let out a light huff, almost a laugh.]
... Well. That'd be good then. You kind of look like shit.
[Just to be frank and all. He hated to think that part of that was his fault, but all they could do was move forward from it. Move forward and... Hope for the best? Something like that. The only thing Emi was super sure of was that tiny, persistent warmth had sprung back up behind his ribs, alight with a tentative hope.
I want to
The thought didn't finish before Emi was crossing the steps between them and wrapping his arms loosely around the other boy in one (admittedly unpracticed) motion.]
[If Emi was unpracticed, then Eiji was completely uninitiated. He froze awkwardly when the hug encircled him, forgetting even to breathe for a moment.
Deep in the pit of his heart, he wanted to recoil at the sudden gesture. It was new and different and intimate and it made him uncertain of what to do or say. Despite being a near universal display of care, there was nothing about it that felt comforting at all to him - just strange.
But he didn't recoil. He forced himself to breathe again. For Emi. Lamely, Eiji lowered his head to rest it on the other boy's shoulder. Was he ever going to not feel tired?]
[Emi shut his eyes, lightly letting his head rest against his friend's. (He got to think that now, he realized. That was nice.)
He hadn't needed an apology. Never expected one, never thought he was ever owed one. He hadn't thought the conversation was about this when he suggested it. Even if it had hurt, he had believed he had already forgiven him long ago. He had, really. And yet...
There was a sense of calm that came with it, as if he had found something that had been lost. A kind of validation he hadn’t realized he might have needed because he’d never thought to look for it.
[A small sigh escaped Eiji as his shoulders relaxed against Emi's arms. Even if he wouldn't admit it out loud, he did feel... a little better. The guilt was slowly starting to fade like an old memory, just like Emi said it would. It didn't completely get rid of the tightness in his chest or the swarm of uncertainty buzzing around him, but at least for this one moment, he felt content.
Feeling fatigue catching up to him, Eiji's eyes began to droop. With an obviously sleepy murmur, he began to pull away.]
[A small smile was waiting for him, and Emi slid his hands to Eiji's shoulders in a steadying. When was the last time he had gotten a good amount of sleep..? He really did look kind of awful.]
Nah. I'll take them, but I really don't need any.
[He didn't really think he'd done all that much. Giving Eiji's shoulders a little squeeze, Emi nodded his head towards his futon which was still all laid out and looking oh-so-inviting.]
[It'd be fine, he was pretty sure. Nothing that caffeine wouldn't fix. He still had things he needed to do today, and taking a nap right now would just throw him off.]
[Emi gave him a little bit of a wary look, but he nodded and gave the boy's shoulders a little pat before letting them go.]
Sounds like a plan.
[Which meant... Eiji was free to go. He wasn't sure if there was anything else that the demi-human had wanted to talk about himself. There was something that was still bugging Emi, but maybe it wasn't the time to ask about it. They were ending this on a good note, but...]
[Eiji had already started turning to leave, but he stopped when Emi spoke up again. What was this now? He thought he'd said everything he needed to already.]
[The question was no longer about if Eiji had been in his dream. That much seemed certain now. But the end... The end didn't make sense. Emi's brow furrowed slightly as the new question formed on his tongue, trying to take shape.
Except, ah. That.. Probably had to do with whatever Eiji hadn't wanted to talk about. That was out then. But he'd spoken up so...!
So Emi gave an awkward shuffle of his feet instead, looking uncharacteristically shy for someone that was usually so straightforward and impulsive in his actions.]
[The pause perplexed Eiji, but when Emi spoke up with such a simple request, the demi-human couldn't help but blink. Ah... He rubbed his eyes, obviously too tired to object.]
Uh... sure.
[He turned to go without much else fanfare, trusting Emi to follow.]
[The extent of which Emi brightened up when given a 'yes' was probably borderline embarrassing. The smile his mouth formed was still small, the majority of it lighting up his eyes.]
Cool.
[He was quick on Emi's heels, pausing just long enough to make sure his room was shut properly. He wasn't going to let this chance slip past- but, oh, they probably... Didn't really need to be chances anymore. It wasn't a chance, it was just a regular thing.
Falling into step next to someone was just something that people got to DO. Huh. Even if he was still going to keep that dream bit in the back of his head, this was… Nice. (and now he had the chance to make sure eiji didn’t pass out on the way.)]
[Off to the employees-only kitchen, then. It was an odd hour of the day - too late for lunch but too early for dinner, so the place was mostly quiet. But hey, that meant no line ups, so that was a plus.
The demi-human stepped up to the counter and ordered from the lesser spirit in the kitchen.]
One coffee with cream.
[Sure, it wasn't fancy magic coffee like Selenite's. The spirits were mostly kind of mindless and their food was slapdash as a result, but it did the trick. He looked over at Emi, unsure whether he'd be ordering something too. Either way, they'd be waiting there a few minutes - though he wasn't sure what to say to pass the time while they were there.]
[We couldn't all have fancy Selente coffee. That was just a recipe for being spoiled rotten by the finest of arabica beans. Luckily, coffee was coffee to Emi and he couldn't tell much difference between it besides "that one's got a lot of sugar in it" and "that one doesn't."
He slid up to the counter after Eiji with a nod.]
Hi, could I get a coffee too? One sugar, thanks.
[Down to scoot next to Eiji, leaning up against the counter as they waited. He was more than content for companionable silences, but he supposed there was something else that could be addressed. He didn't quite look at Eiji when he spoke up, lightly tapping a finger.]
[He would've asked Emi why he bothered, but he could put together a theory. If he corresponded to Eiji with a different handwriting on the bulletin board, then no one would be able to link them together. He had to at least appreciate the consideration Emi had put into the act.]
[Eiji couldn't help but be at least a little amused by how proud of himself Emi seemed to be. Ah, he deserved some credit. The corners of his lips curled in a small, private smile.]
[Eiji's smile faded quickly at that last part, becoming a distant look of contemplation. It was the look of someone with secrets. If Emi knew...
It was with an ache in his chest that Eiji realized he didn't want to see those gold eyes well up with tears again. (He wished he had that coffee already just so he could occupy his hands. Instead, he crossed his arms.)
[That was obvious enough. He already knew there was a lot he was missing, and it wasn't hard to guess that it hadn't been a long walk in the park. Those last few images of his nightare floated back through his mind, but Emi did his best to keep his gaze steady on the Eiji that was safe and whole in front of him.]
I don't think anyone does about anyone. But I don't have to like everything to like you.
[At that point there were two soft clinks as mugs of coffee were placed down on the counter near them. Ah, bitter distractions.]
[As reassuring as that was, none of it changed the fact that Eiji couldn't stand the idea of Emi's face twisted up in pain and grief again. Watching his heart break because of a cold, uncaring demi-human who couldn't die if he tried... it was a waste. He didn't deserve those tears, and he couldn't understand them either.
Trying to push that eventuality from his mind, Eiji hurriedly picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip from it, despite it being scaldingly hot right now. All it got him was a wince as he burnt the tip of his tongue.]
[Emi had been approaching his cup at a more leisurely pace, now paused with it cupped in front of his face. He had been about to blow across the hot liquid, but he stared across it at Eiji instead with a concerned cock of a brow.
Quietly, he tucked it away into his 'things to observe' file. Detail: hasty when he doesn't want to deal with something.]
[Eiji had degenerated into grumpy muttering now, blowing on his coffee like it had just betrayed his fragile trust.
Mouth pain. Mouth pain was still one of his least favourite pains.
But as he stared into his cup, the demi-human echoed the words again under his breath - this time, directed to himself. If he repeated it enough times, maybe that would make it true.]
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It would have been so easy to let his hopes up if his throat didn't still itch a little from the other morning. Especially if that was... God if that had actually been Eiji... Emi felt the height of his cheeks burning slightly and he lowered his eyes.]
Are you sure? If it's just because of me...
[If he was the only reason, he didn't want it.]
Getting to be here with you is enough.
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No, it's not enough.
[It wasn't enough, and it wouldn't ever be enough until they both got their wishes granted. That was what he was determined of. There was no point in simply accepting their current situation as indentured servants to be ideal when they still had something greater to work towards. Eiji had to keep his eye on the prize.]
If pretending doesn't serve a purpose, then it's wasted effort. And besides, I...
['want to stop feeling guilty']
...I'd sleep better at night.
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... Well. That'd be good then. You kind of look like shit.
[Just to be frank and all. He hated to think that part of that was his fault, but all they could do was move forward from it. Move forward and... Hope for the best? Something like that. The only thing Emi was super sure of was that tiny, persistent warmth had sprung back up behind his ribs, alight with a tentative hope.
I want to
The thought didn't finish before Emi was crossing the steps between them and wrapping his arms loosely around the other boy in one (admittedly unpracticed) motion.]
I meant it when I said we're okay, Eiji.
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Deep in the pit of his heart, he wanted to recoil at the sudden gesture. It was new and different and intimate and it made him uncertain of what to do or say. Despite being a near universal display of care, there was nothing about it that felt comforting at all to him - just strange.
But he didn't recoil. He forced himself to breathe again. For Emi. Lamely, Eiji lowered his head to rest it on the other boy's shoulder. Was he ever going to not feel tired?]
I know, but...
I'm sorry.
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He hadn't needed an apology. Never expected one, never thought he was ever owed one. He hadn't thought the conversation was about this when he suggested it. Even if it had hurt, he had believed he had already forgiven him long ago. He had, really. And yet...
There was a sense of calm that came with it, as if he had found something that had been lost. A kind of validation he hadn’t realized he might have needed because he’d never thought to look for it.
Emi sighed softly against Eiji's hair.]
It's okay. You're fine, Eiji.
... Thanks.
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Feeling fatigue catching up to him, Eiji's eyes began to droop. With an obviously sleepy murmur, he began to pull away.]
I'm the one who should be thanking you...
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Nah. I'll take them, but I really don't need any.
[He didn't really think he'd done all that much. Giving Eiji's shoulders a little squeeze, Emi nodded his head towards his futon which was still all laid out and looking oh-so-inviting.]
D'you... Want to take a little rest?
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No, I'll just... get some coffee.
[It'd be fine, he was pretty sure. Nothing that caffeine wouldn't fix. He still had things he needed to do today, and taking a nap right now would just throw him off.]
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Sounds like a plan.
[Which meant... Eiji was free to go. He wasn't sure if there was anything else that the demi-human had wanted to talk about himself. There was something that was still bugging Emi, but maybe it wasn't the time to ask about it. They were ending this on a good note, but...]
Hey, Eiji...?
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Yeah...?
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Except, ah. That.. Probably had to do with whatever Eiji hadn't wanted to talk about. That was out then. But he'd spoken up so...!
So Emi gave an awkward shuffle of his feet instead, looking uncharacteristically shy for someone that was usually so straightforward and impulsive in his actions.]
... Could I join you for that coffee?
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Uh... sure.
[He turned to go without much else fanfare, trusting Emi to follow.]
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Cool.
[He was quick on Emi's heels, pausing just long enough to make sure his room was shut properly. He wasn't going to let this chance slip past- but, oh, they probably... Didn't really need to be chances anymore. It wasn't a chance, it was just a regular thing.
Falling into step next to someone was just something that people got to DO. Huh. Even if he was still going to keep that dream bit in the back of his head, this was… Nice. (and now he had the chance to make sure eiji didn’t pass out on the way.)]
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The demi-human stepped up to the counter and ordered from the lesser spirit in the kitchen.]
One coffee with cream.
[Sure, it wasn't fancy magic coffee like Selenite's. The spirits were mostly kind of mindless and their food was slapdash as a result, but it did the trick. He looked over at Emi, unsure whether he'd be ordering something too. Either way, they'd be waiting there a few minutes - though he wasn't sure what to say to pass the time while they were there.]
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He slid up to the counter after Eiji with a nod.]
Hi, could I get a coffee too? One sugar, thanks.
[Down to scoot next to Eiji, leaning up against the counter as they waited. He was more than content for companionable silences, but he supposed there was something else that could be addressed. He didn't quite look at Eiji when he spoke up, lightly tapping a finger.]
... That's my actual handwriting, by the way.
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Yeah, I put that together. Clever.
[He would've asked Emi why he bothered, but he could put together a theory. If he corresponded to Eiji with a different handwriting on the bulletin board, then no one would be able to link them together. He had to at least appreciate the consideration Emi had put into the act.]
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I wasn't sure it was you or I would've, you know, used the other one.
Guess it worked out anyway though.
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I guess you know me too well.
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Not quite. [Murmured with nothing but fondness.]
You're a work in progress, Eiji, but I'm learning more all the time.
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It was with an ache in his chest that Eiji realized he didn't want to see those gold eyes well up with tears again. (He wished he had that coffee already just so he could occupy his hands. Instead, he crossed his arms.)
The demi-human muttered in a low, careful voice.]
You won't like everything.
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[That was obvious enough. He already knew there was a lot he was missing, and it wasn't hard to guess that it hadn't been a long walk in the park. Those last few images of his nightare floated back through his mind, but Emi did his best to keep his gaze steady on the Eiji that was safe and whole in front of him.]
I don't think anyone does about anyone. But I don't have to like everything to like you.
[At that point there were two soft clinks as mugs of coffee were placed down on the counter near them. Ah, bitter distractions.]
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Trying to push that eventuality from his mind, Eiji hurriedly picked up his cup of coffee and took a sip from it, despite it being scaldingly hot right now. All it got him was a wince as he burnt the tip of his tongue.]
Guh...
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Quietly, he tucked it away into his 'things to observe' file. Detail: hasty when he doesn't want to deal with something.]
You ok?
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[Eiji had degenerated into grumpy muttering now, blowing on his coffee like it had just betrayed his fragile trust.
Mouth pain. Mouth pain was still one of his least favourite pains.
But as he stared into his cup, the demi-human echoed the words again under his breath - this time, directed to himself. If he repeated it enough times, maybe that would make it true.]
...I'm fine.
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You're fine.
[In more ways than one.]