[He got the gist, and the gist was pretty overwhelming. Emi glanced down at his hands for a moment before he settled himself, reaching over to lightly ruffle Chou's hair. He meant it to help cut the awkwardness in the only way he had.]
Ha, he has. He's been making me soup.
[Said with a very fond expression, though it remained on his face when he smiled lightly at her too.]
This looks good though. Thanks, Chou.
[Then his brows furrowed a little and he looked back down at his hands, voice going a bit quieter.]
[ Her eyes blinked wide, childlike, at the gesture. Ah... it had been a while since anyone had done that to her. Certainly not since before she came to Koriko. There hadn't really been anyone here close enough to her for that.
Her throat felt tight, all of a sudden. It was her turn to look down at her hands, folded in her lap. ]
... Eiji took care of the most important part. Thank goodness, right? Everything I did was only natural. It was what I felt like doing.
[There was a firmness to his tone now, because Emi wasn't going to sit and let the importance of what she had done go unstated.]
Nothing you did was natural. No one else would have shown up.
[Presented as the cold hard fact that it was, and Emi had no problem laying it out there. There was no reason to be bothered by it, it was just the way things were and he was fine with that. He was also certain that hardly anyone would have cared if he had just vanished, but that was something he knew better than to say.]
[ He really thought that way. Chou wasn't surprised, but it was a confirmation she hadn't wanted. She might not have ever been in the kind of dire straits they'd rescued Emi from, but his mindset was something she could understand too well.
Children could cry, and nobody would come. Hearts could break, and nobody would think twice of their owners. Loneliness was a fact of the world.
But, well. She was still wrapping her heart around the idea herself, but Chou had learned that it wasn't the only fact of the world. ]
Emi, you know.... I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me. I'm not some kind of heroic person, or even an especially generous one. But getting scared and wanting to do something when you see a friend in danger... that's a natural thing.
Edited (I shouldn't try to write right after waking up agh) 2016-11-02 11:09 (UTC)
[The first quiet comment made his hands subtly ball up into the blanket on his lap, the color of shame slowly burning up behind his bruises. It was one thing for Emi to say it for himself. It was another entirely for someone else to lay it out there for him when he had no say in it. He knew how it sounded.
It was nothing personal it was just... that was how it was.
It was everything else that stole his breath away, leaving only a cloudy sense of confusion and something tight in his chest. It wasn't the compulsion he had an issue with, that he understood perfectly well. He'd done that plenty of times and had enough objects slammed against his face to know that was a pretty verified fact. At least for him.
He had wanted to mutter that that sort of thing wasn't natural to do for people like him. People usually wouldn't. People wouldn't use that word in relation to people like him. But he sat on the words, biting the inside of his lip hard. It was easy to forget that he didn't have to play that role here. It'd already happened once before this, but that was hardly enough of an occurrence for Emi to really soak it in that maybe, just maybe, people would actually want to be his...
His...
Emi swallowed tightly, giving a minute shake of his head to try and clear his face from the heat present there.]
You don't have to do that for me. I don't want... [he paused, reconsidered] I can't bear the thought that my... that my friend is hurt because of someone like me so. You don't have to do that.
[ Chou stared anxiously at Emi's face, watching the way his expressions shifted.
Oh no. Oh no. Had she overstepped and hit a painful nerve? Was he gonna cry?
She had come into this thinking she had some idea of how he felt, and maybe she did, but now she was realizing how little that made this any easier. Nobody had ever gotten all choked up when she declared them a friend before, and understanding what Emi was probably feeling didn't mean she knew how to respond. Was this the time to explain about how none of the girls she went to school with would talk to her all the way from kindergarten through middle school, and how her best friend had turned out to only see her as a servant, and how her mother was apparently pretending Chou didn't exist now? Or maybe it would be better to say something subtler, something soothing? Should she perhaps just thank him for agreeing that they were friends?
All wound up and at a loss, she latched on to the only part of what Emi said that was easy to address. ]
I--I'm not the one who got hurt though! That's you! I didn't get any kind of injury, not even a twisted ankle! It's actually really surprising!
[It came out harsher than he intended, but even his intentions were fairly strong. Any other time, any other topic, Emi would have laughed about that a little bit. He knew how easy it would have been for something to happen to her though. Considering everything else that had gone to shit that day, let alone the fact that she and Eiji had to hike through the woods, it was honestly some kind of miracle that Chou had gotten out of it with just some worries.
If things had been even the slightest bit more normal, or if Eiji hadn't been there...
A look of resolve reached his expression, because while he still might have been figuring out what to do with friends, he was incredibly certain about what he didn't want to happen. Emi lifted his eyes to look at her with quiet sterness.]
What you did means a lot to me, Chou, I can't even tell you. But if something else happens I want you to be selfish, okay?
[ At first Chou was jolted by the seriousness. She wasn't used to seeing Emi this way, hadn't expected it.
But it suited him, this protective air, and there was something painfully nice about having that directed at her. For a moment, Chou just looked at him, with a softness to her gaze.
Then she closed her eyes and scoffed. ]
If you're gonna make me promise something like that, I might as well tell you to get rid of the openings in your heart that let spirits in.
[ Maybe she would try to be smarter if something like this happened again, but she knew now more than ever that she couldn't sit on her hands while a friend was in such danger. And if that friend showed as much care for her as Emi did, well, that just made it all that much more urgent. ]
Wow, harsh. [He almost smiled, a little, even if he had flinched a bit while she couldn't see.]
... You wouldn't be wrong to though.
[Those had certainly been a weakness to be exploited. Though if he thought about it, they might have been all the difference between wanting to be kept for company and just being used as food. Maybe that was a thought best kept quiet though, especially if agreeing meant he could prod Chou into not being reckless. There was only enough room here for one of them jumping into things.]
You work on being selfish, I'll work on being... [Vague hand gesture.]
You have to practice! Different situations mean you can act differently!
[ And since Emi just came out and said he was used to being disliked, Chou was emboldened. ]
I haven't known any of my friends for much more than a year altogether, but the openings in my heart have already started to shrink a little! It's true!
[ She slapped her chest for emphasis. ]
Edited (timelines in 200+ chapter mangas are a pain) 2016-11-05 01:24 (UTC)
[Emi blinked, both at the display and because he was surprised to hear that Chou seemed relatively new to the whole friend business as well. He couldn't help but wonder what kind of misfit she had been categorized then-- he was certain it wasn't her personality that would have been the issue.
There was a tinge of sadness in the smile he gave her, a little too much understanding.]
I'm glad to hear that.
[And he really was.]
I don't think I can be anything but myself though. Can't be all that bad if you like me.
[ Her cheeks flushed a little at that last bit. What! That was so embarrassing! What a smooth thing to say. It was completely unfair.
She could only respond delicately, seriously. ]
That's not.... It's not just me that likes you. I already know one other person who does, and there are definitely more that I don't know. I'm really sure!
[ Amazingly, she doesn't come right out and say "Did you forget what brought all this on?" but it's probably written clearly enough on her face for him to get the message. ]
[A quiet murmur as his expression softened. He could have expected that based on everything else. Emi looked away from her, reaching over to lift up the bowl that had also been born of worry. He gave it a little stir to redistribute its warmth, watching that instead of her when he spoke again.]
She told you I had hoped, right? Things are already different so don't... you don't have to worry too much, ok?
[Because you both came, and it meant the world to him.]
I dunno what to do with worry worts so don't become one of those.
[ Oh... things were different because his hope had been answered, he meant. Chou was sure it was mostly Eiji that Emi had wished for, but that was fine and to be expected. If she had played any part in making him feel less lonely, that was something to be happy about.
A warm calm settled over her as she watched Emi poke at the okayu. Smiling, she gave a small hum of assent. ]
[ Chou lit up with cheer. She hadn't been in any doubt about the dish's quality--she had checked the taste herself, of course, and it was only porridge anyway--but she wasn't immune to compliments. And it was reassuring to witness Emi taking in wholesome nutrition first-hand. ]
I'm glad! Next time, you have to tell me your favorite.
[If there was a need for a next time Emi was going to squarely punch himself in the face. He definitely would not deserve any okayu. But that wasn't an argument he was going to invite into his life right now.]
Tellin' you, whatever's around is good. I only ever made the plain stuff so anyhing more than that is fancy to me.
[ By "next time" she meant "when I bring you more, maybe tomorrow or another day," geez! Chou wasn't ready to imagine something like this happening to Emi again. ]
What, but that's not as much fun. I know how to make lots of things, so you should definitely go ahead and exploit me!
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Ha, he has. He's been making me soup.
[Said with a very fond expression, though it remained on his face when he smiled lightly at her too.]
This looks good though. Thanks, Chou.
[Then his brows furrowed a little and he looked back down at his hands, voice going a bit quieter.]
For everything else, too.
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Her throat felt tight, all of a sudden. It was her turn to look down at her hands, folded in her lap. ]
... Eiji took care of the most important part. Thank goodness, right? Everything I did was only natural. It was what I felt like doing.
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[There was a firmness to his tone now, because Emi wasn't going to sit and let the importance of what she had done go unstated.]
Nothing you did was natural. No one else would have shown up.
[Presented as the cold hard fact that it was, and Emi had no problem laying it out there. There was no reason to be bothered by it, it was just the way things were and he was fine with that. He was also certain that hardly anyone would have cared if he had just vanished, but that was something he knew better than to say.]
You did something really big, y'know?
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[ He really thought that way. Chou wasn't surprised, but it was a confirmation she hadn't wanted. She might not have ever been in the kind of dire straits they'd rescued Emi from, but his mindset was something she could understand too well.
Children could cry, and nobody would come. Hearts could break, and nobody would think twice of their owners. Loneliness was a fact of the world.
But, well. She was still wrapping her heart around the idea herself, but Chou had learned that it wasn't the only fact of the world. ]
Emi, you know.... I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me. I'm not some kind of heroic person, or even an especially generous one. But getting scared and wanting to do something when you see a friend in danger... that's a natural thing.
taking forever because I am too deep in feelings
It was nothing personal it was just... that was how it was.
It was everything else that stole his breath away, leaving only a cloudy sense of confusion and something tight in his chest. It wasn't the compulsion he had an issue with, that he understood perfectly well. He'd done that plenty of times and had enough objects slammed against his face to know that was a pretty verified fact. At least for him.
He had wanted to mutter that that sort of thing wasn't natural to do for people like him. People usually wouldn't. People wouldn't use that word in relation to people like him. But he sat on the words, biting the inside of his lip hard. It was easy to forget that he didn't have to play that role here. It'd already happened once before this, but that was hardly enough of an occurrence for Emi to really soak it in that maybe, just maybe, people would actually want to be his...
His...
Emi swallowed tightly, giving a minute shake of his head to try and clear his face from the heat present there.]
You don't have to do that for me. I don't want... [he paused, reconsidered] I can't bear the thought that my... that my friend is hurt because of someone like me so. You don't have to do that.
[He just looked about as lost as he felt.]
I mean you did it anyway and that's... Thank you.
weeps all over this thread
Oh no. Oh no. Had she overstepped and hit a painful nerve? Was he gonna cry?
She had come into this thinking she had some idea of how he felt, and maybe she did, but now she was realizing how little that made this any easier. Nobody had ever gotten all choked up when she declared them a friend before, and understanding what Emi was probably feeling didn't mean she knew how to respond. Was this the time to explain about how none of the girls she went to school with would talk to her all the way from kindergarten through middle school, and how her best friend had turned out to only see her as a servant, and how her mother was apparently pretending Chou didn't exist now? Or maybe it would be better to say something subtler, something soothing? Should she perhaps just thank him for agreeing that they were friends?
All wound up and at a loss, she latched on to the only part of what Emi said that was easy to address. ]
I--I'm not the one who got hurt though! That's you! I didn't get any kind of injury, not even a twisted ankle! It's actually really surprising!
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[It came out harsher than he intended, but even his intentions were fairly strong. Any other time, any other topic, Emi would have laughed about that a little bit. He knew how easy it would have been for something to happen to her though. Considering everything else that had gone to shit that day, let alone the fact that she and Eiji had to hike through the woods, it was honestly some kind of miracle that Chou had gotten out of it with just some worries.
If things had been even the slightest bit more normal, or if Eiji hadn't been there...
A look of resolve reached his expression, because while he still might have been figuring out what to do with friends, he was incredibly certain about what he didn't want to happen. Emi lifted his eyes to look at her with quiet sterness.]
What you did means a lot to me, Chou, I can't even tell you. But if something else happens I want you to be selfish, okay?
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But it suited him, this protective air, and there was something painfully nice about having that directed at her. For a moment, Chou just looked at him, with a softness to her gaze.
Then she closed her eyes and scoffed. ]
If you're gonna make me promise something like that, I might as well tell you to get rid of the openings in your heart that let spirits in.
[ Maybe she would try to be smarter if something like this happened again, but she knew now more than ever that she couldn't sit on her hands while a friend was in such danger. And if that friend showed as much care for her as Emi did, well, that just made it all that much more urgent. ]
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... You wouldn't be wrong to though.
[Those had certainly been a weakness to be exploited. Though if he thought about it, they might have been all the difference between wanting to be kept for company and just being used as food. Maybe that was a thought best kept quiet though, especially if agreeing meant he could prod Chou into not being reckless. There was only enough room here for one of them jumping into things.]
You work on being selfish, I'll work on being... [Vague hand gesture.]
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Oh! I guess I shouldn't say mean things to sick and injured people....
[ No actual apology happening here, though.
But when she frowned at him this time, there wasn't any force behind it. Just something like frustration, mixed with hesitation. ]
... Just being Emi is fine, I'm sure. But you should have more confidence.
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Tch I would have said be less reckless. I've got plenty of confidence.
[It was just a bit misplaced, maybe.]
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People usually don't. It's... different here, I guess.
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[ And since Emi just came out and said he was used to being disliked, Chou was emboldened. ]
I haven't known any of my friends for much more than a year altogether, but the openings in my heart have already started to shrink a little! It's true!
[ She slapped her chest for emphasis. ]
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There was a tinge of sadness in the smile he gave her, a little too much understanding.]
I'm glad to hear that.
[And he really was.]
I don't think I can be anything but myself though. Can't be all that bad if you like me.
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She could only respond delicately, seriously. ]
That's not.... It's not just me that likes you. I already know one other person who does, and there are definitely more that I don't know. I'm really sure!
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Chou, you don't have to worry, you know? One has always been enough for me, so I don't really care about the number.
Just having more than that is already a nice change of pace.
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[ Amazingly, she doesn't come right out and say "Did you forget what brought all this on?" but it's probably written clearly enough on her face for him to get the message. ]
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[A quiet murmur as his expression softened. He could have expected that based on everything else. Emi looked away from her, reaching over to lift up the bowl that had also been born of worry. He gave it a little stir to redistribute its warmth, watching that instead of her when he spoke again.]
She told you I had hoped, right? Things are already different so don't... you don't have to worry too much, ok?
[Because you both came, and it meant the world to him.]
I dunno what to do with worry worts so don't become one of those.
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A warm calm settled over her as she watched Emi poke at the okayu. Smiling, she gave a small hum of assent. ]
If you say so.
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I do.
[Finally scooping up some of the rice, Emi murmured a quiet 'thanks for the food' and popped the bite in his mouth to give it a try.]
Mmm.
... It's good!
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I'm glad! Next time, you have to tell me your favorite.
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Tellin' you, whatever's around is good. I only ever made the plain stuff so anyhing more than that is fancy to me.
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What, but that's not as much fun. I know how to make lots of things, so you should definitely go ahead and exploit me!
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Emi raised an eyebrow, gently jabbing the spoon in her direction.]
Oi. Watch who you're talking about exploitation with in a land of magical contracts.
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