whenyouneedme | INBOX

[Something decidedly unpleasant made a home in his stomach just then. Kai let out a soft puff of air, carefully sliding the neat pile of pins into her periphs.]

It's been a hunch.

[He didn't sound upset by the hypothesis, because he really wasn't in the long run. Kinda weird and uncomfortable, maybe, but that's what this was for.]

[ She saw the pins, but didn't reach for them yet, her fingers still tense around that spool of thread. Ah, this was bad. She couldn't look at him. ]

Why... wait this long, if you hate it?

[ The words came out quietly, flatly, with only the barest tremor. ]

[He frowned.]

When did I say I hated it?

[ So he didn't hate it? Was that... better? She didn't want him to be mad at her or anything, but...

Her brow knit. ]

Then what... is the point of doing this? What is it that you want?

... I guess its more what I don't want? It was always kinda weird, but... it was whatever. Didn't mind. [He banked on his hunches and got her nice things instead.]

Just kinda thought it'd stop when we started going out.

[ So he'd suspected her, but he hadn't liked or disliked it, so it wasn't a problem to just let her do it. That... wasn't what she'd been going for exactly, but it was still fine, even if it left her feeling like an idiot. ]

... So you decided to call me out now. Why would dating you make me want money for touching you any more than I did before?

I didn't think you'd want the money, I just thought the circumstances would be different since its not like... y'know, we're not being encouraged by weird stuff to hold hands now?

[Among other things.]

It feels weird to get money from you for that.

I know it's weird.

[ She says it quietly, her head dipping a bit lower. ]

That's why, though. That's why you weren't supposed to know. All this time, I really thought...

[ But of course he'd suspect her. He was one of the people she'd given the most to, and she knew he didn't hold that many other hands. It was suspicious. She would suspect herself too, if she weren't so, so, so stupid. ]

[When the list of suspects was all of two people, it was a little hard not to have some sort of suspicion.]

... Sorry. I wasn't tryin' to... any of this. [Make her feel stupid or worse.]

You're not doing anything wrong. I just... hope you won't feel bad for being with me, if that makes sense. S'why I brought it up.

[ At the apology, Kyoko quickly shook her head, though she didn't look up. ]

It's all on me. Everyone else can just go with it, but even after this long I'm still being a pain. I-- [ Biting her lip, she pulled in a breath. This was the first time she'd ever been caught and called out on this, which meant it was also the first time she'd had to explain it. ] --being with you--getting money for that from someone uninvolved--it's like they won't let us forget, we're being used no matter what. That's--I hate it even more now!

... Yeah. [He took a deep breath and sighed.] Yeah.

[She was right. He wasn't here to try and convince her that her feelings were wrong-- really, they weren't. Most of them, anyway.]

You're not being a pain for feeling that way.

[ She was quiet for a moment, her head still lowered. Ah... jeez. Kaito was always so gentle with her. ]

... I am, though. Nobody told me to sneak around doing something this weird. Everybody else is under the exact same circumstances, but I'm the only one who still can't handle it.

[ Getting rid of the money without spending it, and without letting anyone know it had been hers--in the end, it was just a way to pretend she had control over some tiny aspect of the situation, whenever it was too uncomfortable to bear. But nobody else was doing this, she was pretty sure. She was the one with unreasonable needs. ]

... But I don't know what to do now.

Honestly, it's probably weirder than I'm more okay with stuff appearing from no where than I am stuff coming from a real person. Or... maybe it just felt bad cuz I knew it was something that made you feel bad.

[Maybe that's why it'd taken him so long to confirm things. If the number was just going to keep going up though, that... he couldn't have let it stay this way. Something would have shifted, and he knew it would have been his fault for not saying anything.]

But if it feels that way using it for yourself, use it on other people? Help new folks out or somethin', maybe.

... It wasn't you making it feel bad, you know.

[ She was pretty sure he did know, but it felt important to make that clear.

But she finally eased up enough to look up, though she was shifting to pull her knees up at the same time. Hugging them, she sighed a little. ]

I give it back to the people I earn it with because that seems the most fair, but... is it okay to just pick someone and act like their secret benefactor? That sounds weird too...

I know.

[There she was. Kai scooched himself closer so he could lean his shoulder against hers. He wasn't gonna go avoiding her now or anything, see.]

Mmm, well I'm not spilling the beans, so you can do whatever feels right. [If she wanted to keep dropping anon cash to other people, that was fine.]
If you helped out though, would need to be a secret? You can just help people out with lunch or new clothes or whatever if they're having a hard time.

[ There was a moment when she thought about pulling away, but--no, if she started running now she didn't know when she'd stop. So she let the shoulder touch linger while she frowned to herself. ]

I don't want anyone getting ideas about owing me, though... That was one of the benefits of being anonymous in the first place. And... [ She hesitated, knowing this was going to sound silly. ] ... I want to get rid of the money as soon as possible. If I always have to wait until I find someone in need, it could take a while.

[ As nice as the thought is, this was never actually about philanthropy. Kyoko's not that good. ]

[Thank you for not running, Kyoko. He wouldn't have known if she would have wanted him to ever catch up.]

Mmm, fair enough.

[It wasn't like Kai was that good either. He'd just used it to spoil her when she wouldn't do it herself.]

Have you tried... giving it back? Maybe the priests would take it.

[ Kyoko rested her chin on her knees, frowning harder. ]

I wouldn't mind throwing it in their faces, but if it doesn't get them to stop sending it in the first place... giving it to one of us would feel better.

[ Sighhhhh. ]

If only it were actually cash, I could just burn it or scatter it to the wind, or something.

If only.

[He shrugged and leaned a little more on her.]

Random donos it is then, probably. Just leave me off your list or I'll be forced to spoil you with it.

[ She tilted her head to look at him sidelong. ]

You don't have to threaten me. There's definitely no way I can give it to you anymore.

[He met her look with a hint of a grin.]

Good. I'd rather spoil you with my own funds anyway.

I said you didn't have to threaten me!

[He chuckled.] That one wasn't a threat. It's a promise.

[ Ugh. Gosh. Jeez. Time to bury her face in her knees again as a blush comes up. ]

... So all the nice clothes and things really were from you all along.

The dress looks really nice on you.

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