whenyouneedme | INBOX

[ Oh--Kyoko had to duck her head, so the hurt in her eyes wouldn't show. Down in her lap, her hands clenched into fists. ]

... Someone who meant to sneak around wouldn't have mentioned it so casually in the first place. [ It would be a lie to say she didn't have any fears of that, as much as she hated herself for the thought. But that truly wasn't her most pressing worry right now. Kyoko pulled in a breath, and made herself look up at Kaito again. ] What I am thinking is that you just don't see any problem at all with giving alcohol to someone that young. Was that not what you meant when you said Cliff already drinks and you started young too?

[Well, at least he'd been clear enough about that one thing. It made it easier to listen to what other concerns she had without starting up tense and defensive. Honestly, if her thoughts were off in the direction they seemed like they were going, they were valid concerns to have. He met her look with a thoughtful frown.]

No, it wasn't. Sometimes kids start early. Simple as that. I'm not saying its good. Sometimes its for real shit reasons. But if it already happened, it already happened.

[ There, that's getting closer. Kyoko pulls in another breath and goes on more evenly, trying to ignore the twisting in her gut because wow this sucks. ]

I know it happens. [ She says it softly--it's not the focus, but she needs him to know she's not asking him for a crash course on delinquency here. She's still trying to get to the heart of the problem. ] But just because it already happened doesn't mean it's fine to keep it going--you know? [ There's a bit of a genuine pleading note, there. ] If it had turned out to be good drinking sake, and he wanted more, what were you thinking would happen after that? What were you thinking before I said no? That's what I want to make sure I understand.

I'm sure he's got more than enough people already telling him he needs to cut it out. It sounds like he's got good people back home.

[But home was far away from here. Cliff didn't have those people here, he just had a city full of strangers asking him to jump headfirst out of his comfort zone. Kai gave a little shake of his head, looking at Kyoko intently. He was going to stand by this.]

I figured if he wants a buzz, wouldn't here be the safest place? Let him loosen up a little somewhere where we can make sure he's ok, I could get him wherever he wanted to go, stuff like that. If he wants it bad enough, he's gonna find a way to find something. I'd rather he feel okay having a little here where I can keep an eye on him than him off coping alone with whatever he'd have gotten himself into, y'know?

[ Though Kyoko softened more as she listened, her frown didn't leave, concern only creasing her brow all over again. ]

Kaito... this isn't like home, though. It's not like there are conbinis selling it here, or vending machines. I'm pretty sure it's just the bar and Affurgato? [ Her frown deepens a little more, frustrated. ] Besides, I'm not saying you had to give him a--a mom spiel. It would have been as simple as not mentioning the sake at all, and moving the conversation on. It's not like he was gonna walk out if he couldn't have anything, right?

[He leaned over a little to nudge his shoulder against hers. Just a little, a small apology for the mom spiel thing.]

Pretty sure he was almost gonna walk out even when he could.

[He sighed, reaching up to rub his hand across his neck.]

Look, I'm not like... trying to enable a problem. If I thought that's what was up I wouldn't have offered anything. It's just... telling him that it's okay to be who he is in the most basic way possible. You gotta trust 'em first.

[ The nudge went unreturned this time, Kyoko only looking more glum. ]

If he was gonna walk out, it was because of me. Sorry. [ It's not like she couldn't tell at all. ] But there's no way drinking is the most basic part of who Cliff is. And since we're not giving him liquor whether we have any or not, he's gonna have to have some other reason to visit.

[ She's also kinda skeptical that there's no problem to enable here, given how easily Cliff had gotten defensive about how he knew better than to get wasted with strangers--but it's hard to make an argument on that front when Kaito clearly knows him better. ]

[Kai couldn't really say that he knew Cliff all that well yet, but some of the things he had picked up struck deeply familiar chords. They were wildly different, but that overlap was enough to made Kai step back and pause.]

Of course it's not the basic part. I just mean I'm not gonna to give him hell just 'cuz he likes drinking with his friends, or whatever rebel teenage thing he had going on. Doing something like that shouldn't get you written off as a lost cause. One drink barely happened and everyone just concluded that the worst was going to happen.

[He drew in a breath, but continued in a lower murmur.] It's when people assume the worst of you over and over again, even when you haven't done anything, that you just give up. If you don't have a place to turn to, you go where you can't bother anyone.

[ Is that what he thought this was? Some urge to turn up her nose and shun bad habits like the boring good girl he knew she was? Kyoko had to look down again for a moment, but her eyes were still burning when she turned them back on Kaito. ]

No! Like I was saying, it's not like I want you to scold him! But unless you mean he came here to drink, offering that at all was completely unnecessary! I was the one who made everything a mess, but--[ She almost vibrated, voice cracking a bit. ]--of course I was gonna say something!

[Kai's brows furrowed, jaw tightening at the sound in her voice. He hadn't wanted to hurt her back. He didn't want to get mad either, knowing it was all just because she cared so much. But...

Kai was quiet for a few moments, slowly working his jaw loose again.]

Course you were. [Softly, without any accusations. That part was expected.]

It was a bad move, I can own that. I just thought people might have trusted me for once.

[ Oh.

Kyoko's head dipped again, shoulders drawing in, but this time she didn't look back up. It was quiet for a moment, before her voice came out, very small. ]

I'm sorry.

[ Doubting him even a little had torn her up, a sharp pain in her chest that twinged fiercely again with fresh guilt. ]

[He didn't know if that made him feel better or worse. He didn't know what he was supposed to say either. She was probably totally in the right, and something like this was just inevitable. If it wasn't tonight, it was just a matter of time.

She wasn't looking at him, and he wasn't looking at her, but his hand still found its way to give her hair a soft ruffle.]

[ Her eyes closed when his hand found her hair, and there was a soft hitch of breath, but she still didn't look up yet. It was another moment or two before her voice piped up again--still small, but in a way that was meant for him to hear, not trying to hide itself away. ]

... I... used to go along with all sorts of things without question, just because it was what the person I loved wanted. It didn't matter if that meant breaking rules or lying, or sacrificing myself, or even if what he wanted went against his own good. I've been really scared, you know--of turning into that kind of idiot again. But--

[ Her eyes were still closed, but they squeezed tighter. ]

But doubting you... I never want to do that either.

[... Those struck a lot of familiar chords too.]

I mean... I'd still doubt me. I'm a big enough idiot for both of us, I don't think I'm gonna give you a chance to even try. We're gonna disagree, and that's fine. I'm gonna do something stupid, and that's... well, it's stupid.

But I'm not gonna lie to you. Whatever dumb decisions I make, I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to people I care about. I promise you that.

[ Listening to Kaito, something in her chest eased a little, while something else swelled at the same time. Kyoko nodded slightly, and found she could open her eyes again as she shifted a bit to let her shoulder brush against his. Her gaze was still trained downward, but her voice relaxed into a more normal sort of hushed tone. ]

Mm. And I... even if I don't understand you, or rush in and get mad... it won't be because I don't believe in you. As many times as you can stand explaining to me, I'll listen. It's a promise.

... I can work with that.

[Kai leaned against her a little more.]

I know you weren't like... trying to be the fun police or whatever. You were just looking out for him too.

[ Kyoko nodded, and looked up, tentative but with a gentle earnestness. ]

And... I didn't think you meant any harm. [ Doubting his judgement didn't feel good, though. ] But, you know, even back home there are lots of adults who don't really think much about young kids drinking, as long as they don't make a ruckus. And I... just didn't know what was in your head at all. I guess we kinda... never talked about thing kind of thing before now.

Mmmhm.

[That was pretty true. For a lot of folks it wasn't their problem, so it was whatever, right? He looked over at her.]

Guess it never came up, huh. Haven't had a lot of reasons to get into trouble lately.

[ And even among those who did care in some capacity, there was often a kind of indulgent attitude about it all. Okami-san surely hadn't thought anything very bad would happen when she gave Kyoko that sake, on that night she couldn't stop crying after the LME audition. ]

You weren't trying to get into trouble this time either. [ She said it to be sure he knew that she knew. ] It's... kinda my fault, for not thinking to bring it up before now, if I was gonna have such a loud opinion about it.

[He gave her a small curve of a smile. He knew.]

Mmm, well, I never gave you a reason to think about it. [Was more what he had meant this time. It'd taken this long for them to even think about the sake, and Kai had never gone to the bar for the purposes of drinking anything. What a dry time it had been.]

Never liked it all that much, to be honest.

[ That little smile did a lot of heavy lifting to ease most of the remaining weight on her heart. Kyoko could finally let herself lean naturally against him, the tension in her shoulders easing. ]

I kinda didn't think you were interested at all. I don't think I even wondered if you'd ever had any... But now that I think about it, maybe it's one of the topics new couples are supposed to cover.

[That in turn let Kai settle in a bit more. They'd already been well past the point where things could have gone in a wildly different direction-- his bruised heart could forgive most stings-- but that extra ease of tension was relieving.]

Maybe?? [Did regular couples have... lists of things to cover??? Watch him transform from (mostly) confident rogue to Boy Who Knows Nothing right before her eyes.]

Um... I guess... Is there any other, uh, topic? You'd be worried about?

Ah. [ Boy Who Knows Nothing, meet Girl Who Knows Even Less. ] I've never dated anyone before you, so I don't know...

[ There was a tiny start, though, as something did occur to her--but then she wasn't sure how to ask. ]

Um... This is a little bit tangential, but actually... Have you told anyone besides Cliff about...

[ Pink staining her cheeks, she looked down towards where their shoulders met.]
... the situation?

[.......... The situation.

Kai looked down at their shoulders as well, as that would reveal to him the answer he was looking for. Because he suddenly did not know what they were talking about, and that was perhaps reason to panic. What had he told Cliff about? He'd told Cliff about? Something? Something. Something that was making her blush just thinking about it. Something that was a Situation.

The Situation... tangential... to couples... O...h??]

What, that we're dating?

[ Why did he have to think about it so long? Did he forget?? ]

Th-that you're dating not just Shinji, but also me.

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