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Being close to people... is hard.

Kai had already told him that they were in the same boat, but hearing him say it really drives the point home. He doesn't want to dismiss the idea that she would want to make up, because he's sure she doesn't want to leave things as messy as they are. Kyoko... is a good person. He's always thought that, and this whole debacle hasn't done anything to change his mind. She shouldn't have had to deal with him pressing too hard.

"I just feel like an idiot," he mumbles, "For letting it get that bad... and then running off and leaving her to cope with it."

Getting close to people certainly was messy, wasn't it.

"'M sure you were just lookin' out for her," Kai murmured back. "But Kyoko's... worse at taking help than we are." Which was saying a lot, because these boys were disasters. "I don't think I've ever really gotten things right with her yet."

Shinji's fairly certain that, actually, what he did was more selfish than that, but he also kind of doesn't want to dominate the conversation with how much of a screw up he feels like right now. Let's continue, then.

"Did she give you any idea of what's been bothering her...?" If not, he's more than willing to let the matter lie, there's no reason for him to chase it down again if it's just going to blow up in his face once more, but the part of him that was worried enough to try in the first place really, really wants to know.

"Kinda."

Sorta. Enough for her actions to make sense but her intentions that much more confusing. "I promised I'd keep it a secret." So there wasn't too much he could actually tell Shinji. Though, even if he hadn't made that promise it wouldn't have changed much. "She'd already told me more than she wanted to, so I didn't push for specifics..."

Kai let out a heavy sigh. "Kyoko thinks its real bad but its... it really shouldn't be. S'just something that hurts."

Well, at least one of them is... not informed, really, but less in the dark about it. A part of him feels disappointed about the secret status being enforced, but not even that part wants to pursue more information about it.

"She told me... the was no way it wouldn't ruin our friendship, so I guess... it really is better if it stays a secret." As painful as it is to think about, to just leave her with something so heavy to bear on her own. If Kaito can hold on to even just a fraction of that burden, that's. good. that's better than nothing.

"Huh?" Kai lifted his head to look down at Shinji's hair as if that would shed any light on that extreme statement that had been handed to him. Why? Would that be the conclusion? What? Kyoko???

"No? It's not going to ruin anything." Kai blurted, sounding truly baffled. "Geez, Kyoko, you really did go to far..."

Huh? What??

"That's... what she said, though." He combs through the memory again, just to make sure he's not making it up or misremembering something. The sting of it is still nice and fresh, so surely his memory isn't playing tricks on him. He looks up at Kai, puzzled, knowing that he might have a different perspective by knowing more of the story, but to have that concern be so out of place is... strange. "She seemed really distressed about it."

Kai's frown deepened under the heavy knit of his brows. Was that what she had meant by saying something really mean to him?

"I mean, she probably believes it. She was really beating herself up. Was tryin' to tell her she didn't need to worry and y'know what she did? Tried to slam her head on her knees."

Perhaps it was that, perhaps it was something else. Shinji's not about to call anything she said particularly mean, but there are bigger fish to fry here with that new piece of information.

"She did what?" All concern for keeping his voice down vanished for a brief moment, though he writes down a little again when he follows up with, "You said she wasn't hurt, right?"

"'Course not. I wasn't gonna let it happen."

He slipped his hands free from their icy home, looking down at them for a moment. They'd done a good job. But overall, what had he even done?

"... Keeping that from happening was the only thing I really could do."

Ah... so that's how he got hurt. Shinji can see how this might have happened, even if Kyoko's reaction sounds extreme at best.

With his free hand, he reaches over to delicately pat Kai's icy, icy hands. You did well, but please don't get hurt like this. "That was important for you to do," don't say that like it helped nobody. "I can't say I'm happy that it happened, but... I'm glad you could stop her from hurting herself."

"That much, anyway."

He could easily see her taking it as a token of proof that she'd been correct, her feelings would definitely hurt people. How stupid. Still... "I am too, even if it was just a bit." Moving carefully so there was no cause for worry, Kai turned his hands so he could gently hold Shinji's.

"I just don't know how long she's been telling herself it'd be a problem."

That is a problem, isn't it? He hums softly in agreement, carefully threading his fingers through Kai's as he does. No reason to put more strain on those poor hands, but having that little spot of intimacy is highly desired.

"I mean... I think the only reason we even knew something was strange was because of the flowers," he mutters softly, settling his head back on Kai's shoulder. "So it could have been happening for a long, long time."

"...Yeah."

A long, long time. Perhaps since she even got here, if her mystery object of affections was back home. It... made sense, if he really thought about it. What could have made it such a problem though? The only thing he could really think of were whispers of how she wanted them to come home with her. Maybe that plan... didn't mesh with her love life? It seemed like a stretch but, what else could have possibly been a threat to their friendship in her eyes? He didn't get it, not one bit.

After a few moments of just mulling that over, Kai's own head found its spot back against Shinji's. "Guess... All I really know for sure is that she really didn't want to hurt anybody else. 'Specially not you."

He quietly lets Kai speculate - whatever perspective he could get from putting their information together is probably helpful in some way or another. Whatever time he needs to put those pieces together, Shinji will give him.

"Yeah..." Great job he did of not letting that happen. "I probably hurt her pretty badly, pushing her like that and then just running off."

Kai shook his head a bit. "Won't say you didn't," he murmured. "Won't say she didn't either. But I'm sure its just a sprain." Much as he wanted to give Shinji's hand a squeeze, he settled for just stroking the side of his hand with his thumb. "Not broken."

"Sometimes running is the best thing you can do. Gives everyone some time to think."

Edited (wait) 2021-06-24 03:24 (UTC)

If there's something Shinji had always been able to count on Kai for, it's being honest with him. Yes, he probably did do some harm, but not a catastrophic amount. Maybe not even as much as he might think, he won't really know either way until he can confront Kyoko directly, but... it's an encouraging thought nonetheless.

The second sentiment is harder to swallow, though. It's pretty much antithetical to how he's been trying to conduct himself, and the idea that there might be a good amount of running away seems like the kind of thing that would be incredibly difficult for someone like him to gauge. If he internalizes that too deeply, surely it would only lead to trouble.

"Maybe," he relents, knowing that Kai wouldn't intentionally ead him astray. "Still felt wrong of me."

"Don't imagine runnin' from a friend ever feels great," Kai relented. Just because it was a good thing sometimes didn't make it feel any less lousy. "But it's not like you want to keep running, right? Backing off when you're already hurt to make sure you can keep going is different from running away."

"No, it doesn't," he answers quietly. It feels kind of rotten, actually.

"I don't... I don't want to avoid her forever." He doesn't even really want to avoid her right now, but, "It's just... facing her after even that is gonna sting." It's not a very good reason to hide from her for very long, he knows it, but the trepidation of doing something that he knows isn't going to be pleasant is hard to ignore.

"Probably."

Kai didn't actually know what that specific sting felt like. Being an idiot had its high points, but that same lack of a pain receptor was probably a flaw. He could guess though, based on other things.

"But I'm sure the sting will be worth it if it means patching things up. Probably'll hurt less sooner than later too."

"I know," he murmurs softly, running his thumb over one of Kai's hands. Even if Kai can't exactly empathize, having that advice and reassurance passed his way is just as valuable. "I don't want to just leave things like they are, that's not fair to her."

Kai lifted his head just enough so he could lightly thud it against Shinji's. "Not fair to you either."

Yeah well

Maybe.

All he can answer that with is a noncommittal, "Hmm." Wouldn't that just be the consequences of his own actions? He's really more worried about her than he is for himself, but he can't just forget that they aren't the only two affected by all of this. "Don't wanna leave you feeling awkward, either."

Having roommates on rocky terms with each other isn't exactly the easiest thing to contend with, he knows.

That was just another thing he'd have to take Shinji's word on. Not that he'd doubt that things had the potential to get tricky real fast if left unchecked. Still.

"Y'don't have to worry about me." Just give him a moment to swallow back that tickle in his throat again. "I can bother both of you even if you're not hanging out in the same room for a bit."

"I'm going to worry about you." That's just how it is, whether or not he notices that swallow happening. "Just like I'm going to worry about her. I care about both of you, so I don't want things to stay rocky."

For everyone's sake, which he just so happens to be a part of.

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